and please use their services
The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
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Mountkeen
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Those lifeguards are doing a great job. I haven't seen any heavy petting or running.
ancient_mariner
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- Toni
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And it's also a word that isn't in the dictionary.
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A not so bright woman wants to divorce her husband, so she is talking to her lawyer.
Lawyer: “Well first we need a reason, is he not giving you money?”
Woman: “if he hides as much as a dollar from me, I’m not cooking for him for three days straight.”
Lawyer: “Well is he beating you?”
Woman: “Him? I’d throw him through the window, with my left hand only”
Lawyer: “How about being faithful?”
Women: “That’s where we get him! The second child is not his.”
Lawyer: “Well first we need a reason, is he not giving you money?”
Woman: “if he hides as much as a dollar from me, I’m not cooking for him for three days straight.”
Lawyer: “Well is he beating you?”
Woman: “Him? I’d throw him through the window, with my left hand only”
Lawyer: “How about being faithful?”
Women: “That’s where we get him! The second child is not his.”
scottishguy
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Mountkeen
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I can't believe I was so suspicious and paranoid about my wife having an affair that I forced us to move to the Shetlands - so very far from anyone we know.
Imagine my delight when I found that we'd managed to keep the same window cleaner..
Imagine my delight when I found that we'd managed to keep the same window cleaner..
carper
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So today was surreal... I was following an ambulance on my bike towards town when I noticed a small metal box sitting on the rear bumper. When the ambulance turned right the box flew off and landed on the side of the road against the kerb. Call me the curious or just the Good Samaritan that I am, I pulled over and retrieved it. When I opened the box there was a human toe packed in ice inside it. Whopp, that’s a serious mistake i thought, so unsure if the ambulance was going to our local hospital I called the hospital and explained what I had found. The lady on the other end of the phone said “Yes, the ambulance had just arrived minus the box”. I gave her my location and asked if they were going to send another ambulance to collect it? The lady replied, “No, we’ll just send a toe truck.”
