The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

[Mountkeen]

It turns out that when you’re asked who your favourite child is, you’re supposed to pick one of your own. I know that now.

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Steep]

View attachment 324996

I'm a fan

 

[kennethwfd]

View attachment 325004

Well you know what they say....whatever floats your boat

 

[Bobsyeruncle]

I'm a fan

Eh?

 

[Mag1cp2x]

They say mirrors don’t lie, I’m just grateful mine doesn’t laugh …

 

[Mag1cp2x]

My daughter came home from college and said that she would now refer to her mother as her ‘birth person’.
I said, ‘That’s fine with me, Financial Drain’.

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[camerassassin]

 

[kendo1]

 

[Cobra]

 

[D-Mitch]

I just read a list of "The 100 Things To Do Before You Die". I was pretty surprised that "Shout for help" wasn't one of them.

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Cockney]

 

[Mag1cp2x]

Two members of the Mafiosa are walking down some dark Chicago back streets in the middle of the night.
One turns to the other and says, ‘I must admit that I’m a bit scared’.
The other one says, ‘I bet I’m more scared than you, I’ve gotta walk back on my own !’

 

[Nod]

 

[sphexx]

Two members of the Mafiosa are walking down some dark Chicago back streets in the middle of the night.
One turns to the other and says, ‘I must admit that I’m a bit scared’.
The other one says, ‘I bet I’m more scared than you, I’ve gotta walk back on my own !’

I expect that’s a variation on the prisoner and priest joke which round here is claimed to have happened in Armley prison (which I doubt!).

It was raining cats and dogs and the prisoner was being taken across the yard to the execution block. He turned to the priest and said “what awful weather Father”. The priest said “it’s all right for you lad but I’ve got to come back in this”.

 

[scottishguy]

 

[mikew]

 

[mikew]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[mikew]

 

[mikew]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Mag1cp2x]

Did you hear the one about Beethoven asking to be buried with the entire collection of his early works so that he could spend eternity decomposing ?

 

[D-Mitch]

Did you hear the one about Beethoven asking to be buried with the entire collection of his early works so that he could spend eternity decomposing ?

On that subject...

 

[Nod]

View attachment 325098

Looks like Ted's grown a bit!!!

 

[Nod]

 

[camerassassin]

 

[Tori_T]

 

[Cockney]

 

[Cockney]

 

[Cockney]