The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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I’ve had requests for my Gin Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Gin, 2 cups dried fruit.
Sample a cup of Gin to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Gin again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the Gin is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the Gin to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Gin. Now s*** shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the Gin and wipe the counter with the dog.
 
Probabubbly a good jobby yaw knot rhyming for a phew weaks...
 
Brendan Mulachy said:
I’ve had requests for my Gin Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Gin, 2 cups dried fruit.
Sample a cup of Gin to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Gin again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the Gin is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the Gin to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Gin. Now s*** shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the Gin and wipe the counter with the dog.
Click to expand...
Mailed this to my sister in law.
She replied and asked “How much flour does it need?”
 
A drop or 2 of Elderflour cordial added to every 3rd cup of gin - for variety.
 
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When saying "scent", which is silent - the s or the c?
 
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Sent to me by a friend who lives in Paris.



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We had a Sergeant at work who was notoriously thick. His retirement announcement read "End of an error"
 
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