The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

The orange friend of Epstein.
 
There was a songbook written to help students memorise the cycles using popular tunes. I had to learn this and others in the 1980s when I did my degree.
 
Yesterday after dinner and a few glasses of wine my wife and I made a list of 5 people we would like to sleep with if we ever got the chance.

She chose Brad Pitt, Tom Hardy, Ryan Gosling, Johnny Depp and Daniel Craig.

I chose her sister, her cousin, her best friend, the woman next door and the girl I fancy who works in Tesco.

I was surprised both by her reaction and how comfortable the spare room was last night.

Dave
 
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Mr A. Mountbatten Windsor - TAFKAP - The Andrew Formerly Known As Prince...
 
During an experimental operation an operating team removes the almost all of the left half of a man's brain and asks him to count to ten. The man says "two, four, six, eight, ten". They put it back in, take out a similar amount of right half and ask him to count again and he says, "One, three, five , seven , nine".

Then they decide to remove almost all of both halves at once. Again they ask him to count to ten. The man says "I'm really good at counting to ten. I love numbers and I have the best numbers, no-one has better numbers than I do. My teacher, who was one of the brightest teachers, told me that I'm the best counter she'd ever seen."

Dave
 
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G.K.Jnr. said:
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About 40 years ago, I was with an Italian friend of mine, his English wan't that bad, but we popped down to Macdonalds in his brothers car (Italian registered SuperMiafiori). A copper immediately came up and told us we couldn't park outside. Mario & his brother answered him in Italian waving their hands about, when the copper looked at me I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Don't be long" he said, and walked off, we thought it was hilarious.... :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
 
Apart from the dreaded rustworm...
 
Ah! The good old verruca bar!
 
Wow! That WOULD be a hard boiled egg!!!
 
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