The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

[Cordy]

The other night I saw a couple weaving all over the street.

I said 'Honestly, get a loom'

 

[Nod]

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[Nod]

 

[Steep]

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[GetBusyLiving]

View attachment 464025

Wouldn't stop some people I've heard about!

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[Cockney]

View attachment 464081

Don't see many Bass only buskers.

 

[Nod]

View attachment 464081

I've got a day-glo Hondo ALIEN bass which might be better for him - it's a lot smaller than a Jazz type too!

 

[Cordy]

Wayne says to his mum,

I've got the biggest willy in school, is it because I'm a Northerner ?

Mum replies. No lad, it's because you're 28 and a bit slow.

Now be a good lad eat your tea and try not to spill your spaghetti hoops down your Man United shirt again..

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Brendan Mulachy]

 

[Nod]

 

[Petrochemist]

View attachment 464115

That must be fake, no one would trust him with sharp things like forks!

 

[Nod]

They seem to be plastic ones.

 

[Nod]

 

[Cockney]

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[GetBusyLiving]

A few things I picked up on my travels around cyberspace:

We named other planets in the solar system after gods but named our own planet “dirt.”

If James Bond is the most famous spy in the world, doesn’t that make him the worst spy?

You don’t actually wash your hands—they wash each other while you stand there and watch.

Someone shouting out “I’ll get it” at home is something most younger people don’t know about.

Searching for a new laptop online is like forcing your current computer to dig its own grave.

 

[GetBusyLiving]

 

[Nod]

I reckon Cooper's pretty well trained already - not sure I could operate a Hymac/JCB that well!

 

[arturo7]

Don't see many Bass only buskers.

Thank goodness.

 

[Cordy]

Two new mothers sitting in a maternity hospital.

One posh ,the other down to earth. .
Posh .....My husband bought me a sports car on the birth of my firstborn
Other woman ... Very nice !!

Posh . He bought me a villa in Spain for our second
Other... Very nice !!

Posh .. what did your husband buy you ..
Other... elocution lessons
Posh . Well they don't seem to have worked.

Other.. -- well they have.
I use to say p*** off; but now I say Very nice !!

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Norkie]

Spot the deliberate mistake!

 

[welshwizard645]

Spot the deliberate mistake!
View attachment 464430

Canon user picked up Nikon by mistake?

 

[Jelster]

Spot the deliberate mistake!
View attachment 464430

I can see 2. The camera is one, and since when did women athletes have beards?

 

[Pound Coin]

Also: Lens hood on back to front.

 

[Jelster]

Also: Lens hood on back to front.

When my lens caps are on, all my lens hoods are on back to front....

 

[Steep]

 

[Nod]

 

[gman]

 

[Nod]