The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Danne Abbot visited a school yesterday trying to boost her election vote. While there she looked out of a school window and saw some kids running about in the school field. So she went out to watch and there was one little boy standing all alone. So she asked " don’t you want to play with the others" he said " I am not allowed to". So she put her arm around him saying how sorry she was that he was not allowed to play with the others "Why not " she asked He replied " because I am the F"kng goal keeper*
 
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A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the ******* potatoes!"
 
Steep said:
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Reminds me of the old one where in a pub in the Scottish Highlands a guy guy shouts out
"Maggie Thatcher has a face like a sheep's arse!!"
A local gets up and decks the guy knocking him out cold.
When he came round he said "I didn't realise this was Thatcher country"
The local replied " It's not - it's sheep country!!" :p:p
 
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