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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day,
the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors,
she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators...
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day,
the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors,
she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators...
ancient_mariner
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JohnStewart
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Cordy
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One day Jesus decided to stroll down to the Pearly Gates. No sooner did he get there than St. Peter exclaimed, “Oh, I’m so glad you’re here, I need to go to the bathroom bad! Watch the Gates for me, will you?”
“But what am I supposed to do if someone comes?” Jesus asked.
“Have them fill out the intake sheet,” Peter said, pointing to his lectern. “I gotta run — ‘bye!”
“But —“ Jesus said, too late; Peter was out of earshot. Jesus was studying the intake sheet when he saw an old man tentatively approaching the Gates. “Welcome to Heaven, sir!” he said.
The old man stared. “Heaven — is it true? I’m in heaven?” he whispered. When Jesus nodded, the old man dropped to his knees and said, “Oh, how wonderful! Maybe now I can finally find my son!”
Jesus helped him to his feet and said, “I’ll be happy to let you in, but first I need to get some information from you so we know where to put you. Now, while you were on earth, what did you do for a living?”
“I was a carpenter,” the old man replied.
Jesus was struck by the coincidence but made a note on the intake sheet and moved on to the next question. “About your family — you say you have, or had, a son, and you believe he’s here already, is that correct?”
“Well, I don’t know for sure,” the old man said, “we were separated a long time ago, and I heard that he died. But he was a very good man, so I know that if he died, he’ll be here.”
Moved with pity for the old man, Jesus replied, “If he is here, we’ll certainly help you find him. Can you give us a description of him?” To which the old man replied, “Oh, he’ll be easy for you to recognize—he has nail holes in his hands and feet.”
Carpenter, good man, separated from family, nail holes — Jesus stared at the old man, dropped his pen and paper, thrust out his hands, and cried, “Papa!!!”
And the old man, tears in his own eyes, thrust out his hands and cried, “Pinocchio!!!”
“But what am I supposed to do if someone comes?” Jesus asked.
“Have them fill out the intake sheet,” Peter said, pointing to his lectern. “I gotta run — ‘bye!”
“But —“ Jesus said, too late; Peter was out of earshot. Jesus was studying the intake sheet when he saw an old man tentatively approaching the Gates. “Welcome to Heaven, sir!” he said.
The old man stared. “Heaven — is it true? I’m in heaven?” he whispered. When Jesus nodded, the old man dropped to his knees and said, “Oh, how wonderful! Maybe now I can finally find my son!”
Jesus helped him to his feet and said, “I’ll be happy to let you in, but first I need to get some information from you so we know where to put you. Now, while you were on earth, what did you do for a living?”
“I was a carpenter,” the old man replied.
Jesus was struck by the coincidence but made a note on the intake sheet and moved on to the next question. “About your family — you say you have, or had, a son, and you believe he’s here already, is that correct?”
“Well, I don’t know for sure,” the old man said, “we were separated a long time ago, and I heard that he died. But he was a very good man, so I know that if he died, he’ll be here.”
Moved with pity for the old man, Jesus replied, “If he is here, we’ll certainly help you find him. Can you give us a description of him?” To which the old man replied, “Oh, he’ll be easy for you to recognize—he has nail holes in his hands and feet.”
Carpenter, good man, separated from family, nail holes — Jesus stared at the old man, dropped his pen and paper, thrust out his hands, and cried, “Papa!!!”
And the old man, tears in his own eyes, thrust out his hands and cried, “Pinocchio!!!”
JohnStewart
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G.K.Jnr.
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Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.
Boss: Well there is now !
Employee: How?
Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left.
Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.
Boss: Well there is now !
Employee: How?
Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left.
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