The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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That was Snow White.

A different set of offences possible...
 
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Thought I'd posted this earlier - must have hit the wrong button!

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Cobra said:
A brand new thread to post your jokes & meme's.

I'll start with an old "classic"

a blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake. he finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. after sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

the bar immediately goes silent. in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says "before you tell that joke, i think its fair, giving that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. the bartender is a blonde girl.
2. the bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. i'm a 6 foot tall, 15 stone blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. the woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5. the lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
now think about it seriously, mister. do you still wanna tell that joke?"

the blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares "nah, not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times!"
Click to expand...
I just stole this joke - pray for me lol !!! Cheers !
 
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A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight.

So a message is sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.

The young man finally gets to the airbase and makes his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time.

He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do.

Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later. As he’s leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, “Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I’m going to personally see to it that you are not only reprimanded but also punished.”

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands up tall and says, “Sir, with all due respect, I’m not your son; I’m an Airman in the United States Air Force. I’ve been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it’s two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job here is to pump s*** from your aircraft.

Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?”
 
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No word of a lie, this is actually true, when I was at school, we had a maths teacher with the surname Baty, I kid you not. Why on Earth he went into teaching secondary school kids is beyond me.
 
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