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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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ancient_mariner
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- Toni
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Ouch! True-dat.
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- Brian
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I thought you'd appreciate it.
D
Deleted member 68495
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Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
And from Bob Monkhouse decades ago:
"I think I'm mononoid, I believe only one person is out to get me, but no one will tell me who it is!"
D
Deleted member 68495
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What's next? plant based beer & wine?
There's a company nearby that hires out plant-based construction equipment.
scottishguy
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An hour? I wouldn't last the 1st call!
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- Nod (UK)
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I see someone is having a massive catch up
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I had something similar happen to me. A zoo had a Bactrian camel(if you get a chance to come close to one, have a good look - they are huge and the feet and lips are amazing) being led around by a keeper which we could feed. It gently, with its very soft lips, took the food and then took most of my lower arm, which it return covered in camel goo.
Dave
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The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.
IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
BOAT OWNER: "Well, there's Clarence, my deck hand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board.
Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen beers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
IRS AUDITOR: "That's The guy I'm here here to talk to- The mentally challenged one."
That's me I said, how can I help?
IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
BOAT OWNER: "Well, there's Clarence, my deck hand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board.
Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen beers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
IRS AUDITOR: "That's The guy I'm here here to talk to- The mentally challenged one."
That's me I said, how can I help?
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When Iworked for Mercury communications. We had a working agreement with Siemens.
Because of our standardised customer facing policy a poor receptionist down south had to answer the phone
"Siemens Staines, how can I help you?"
G.K.Jnr.
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A hippie in a bus sees a very beautiful lady and he goes to the lady and asks " can I do my way with you? " and the lady replies by saying "sorry i cant so that i am a nun my body and soul belongs to the lord" the hippie then walks away and exits the bus cause they have arrived and his bus stop but gets stopped by the bus driver " you know that nun always goes to the cemetery and prays so you should go there dressed up like jesus and ask her to do your way with her" says the bus driver the hippie says okay and waits till midnight and goes to the cemetery and sees the nun praying then he put his jesus outfit and asks the nun to do her way with her and he shall forgiver her sins and she says yes but do it from behind so i will not lose my virginity and they start to make love and when they were done the hippie rips his outfit of and says surprise its me the hippie! and then the nun rips her dress of and screams surprise its me the bus~driver!
OP
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- The real Chris
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*Cough*
And it was you that posted it a few days ago
The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
www.talkphotography.co.uk
G.K.Jnr.
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*Cough*
And it was you that posted it a few days ago
The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
Whoops, Sorry Chris, I must have been having a senior moment. Please delete it if you would like to.
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