The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

[Cobra]

An oldie, but a goodie

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Nod]

An oldie, but a goodie

View attachment 394561

Invented by the (unexpected!) Spanish Inquisition!

 

[welshwizard645]

An oldie, but a goodie

View attachment 394561

hoover dustette in the medical journals

 

[Steep]

 

[badlywornroy]

I own two shirts and some neckwear that used to belong to a guy who was in 'The Mamas & The Papas'

All the sleeves are brown, and the tie is grey.

 

[ancient_mariner]

hoover dustette in the medical journals

I remember this first time around.

 

[Nod]

 

[Tringa]

View attachment 394469

Bloody hellfire! Not sure I can cope with something that quick.

Dave

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Cobra]

 

[Cobra]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Cobra]

 

[welshwizard645]

Did waffles for the kids breakfast this morning but they started crying........they really loved that rabbit

 

[welshwizard645]

A pensioner received a letter from Bank Manager stating " Thanks for promptly submitting this year's life insurance certificate But, Sorry to inform you that we have lost your last year's life certificate in our record and the Bank's Inspector has pointed it out in his report.
Please submit a certified copy of the same if available with you. Alternatively submit a declaration that "You were alive last year also"

*Pensioners reply*
"Dear Sir, thank you very much for acknowledgement of my this year's Life Certificate.
I'm equally sorry to inform you that I do not have any copy of last year's Life Certificate.
I'm also am not in a position furnish any declaration regarding last year because due to my bad memory, despite trying hard, I'm not able to recollect as to whether I was alive last year or not. The inconvenience caused is deeply regretted. Regards."

 

[welshwizard645]

I went to my doctors… I said “I feel like a moth”

He said…”it’s not a doctors you need, it’s a vet”!!

I said…..”I know…. But I was passing by and noticed your light was on”

 

[welshwizard645]

I call my wife infinity

She goes on and on and on

 

[Steep]

 

[cosmicma]

View attachment 394636

probably more reliable

 

[Bobsyeruncle]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

A young man walks up to his granny and asks her, "Granny, have you seen my pills? They're marked LSD." She replies, "Forget the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen!?"

 

[Cobra]

 

[Cobra]

 

[TheBigYin]

 

[Mag1cp2x]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Earley Man]

View attachment 394762

Unfortunately this is too true to be funny, but look on the bright side, they know all about the 100 genders that now seem so important to their teachers.

 

[TheBigYin]

 

[Cobra]

 

[Cobra]

 

[Cordy]

A frog, who wondered about his ancestry, went for a DNA test.

As it turned out; he was mostly French but a tad Pole..…

 

[Cordy]

Swampy the eco-warrior has died of a heart attack.

They offered him a bypass but he wasn't having any of it.

 

[kennethwfd]

 

[Brendan Mulachy]

the bbc have released this pic

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[Steep]