The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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AN ADULT FAIRY TALE:
Once upon a time there lived a King who had the most beautiful daughter.
But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what: Metal,Wood, Stone
Anything she touched would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'
The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away, sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the Princess,
'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'
The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red.
She felt some thing very hard. She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!
The King was over joyed. Everybody in the kingdom was over joyed.
And the Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after
Question: What was in the Prince's pants?
M&M's of course! They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What on earth were you thinking?
I WORRY ABOUT YOU AT TIMES!
 
Two doctors are on a golf course at the tenth hole. One of them looks up in the trees and sees an owl asleep on a branch. One doctor says to the other, "I'll bet you $100 I can give that owl a vasectomy and that owl won't even wake up." The other doctor says, "You've got a bet." The first doctor climbs up the tree, does the operation, and comes down from the tree. The owl never wakes up. The second doctor, not to be outdone, says, "I bet you the same that I can give that owl a tonsillectomy and he won't wake up." The second doctor climbs up the tree, does his operation, and the owl never wakes up. An hour later, the owl wakes up, flies to another tree, sees another owl and tells him, "Whatever you do, don't fall asleep in that tree by the tenth hole, because when I woke up after a nap, I couldn't hoot worth a f**k or f**k worth a hoot!"
 
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