The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

[G.K.Jnr.]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were hunting buffalo one day to no avail. Tonto jumps off his horse, puts his ear to ground and says, "Buffalo come." The Lone Ranger asks, "How do you know that?" Tonto replies, "Ear sticky."

 

[Cobra]

 

[sirch]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Cobra]

One for the girls.

 

[Harriers9]

Bradford Park Avenue. Been there a few times with the Harriers

 

[sirch]

Bradford Park Avenue. Been there a few times with the Harriers

 

[sirch]

Spare a thought for my poor wife! She got stung on her forehead by a bee & has ended up in A&E with extensive bruising and swelling to her face.


Luckily, I was close enough to be able to swat the bee with my shovel.

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[Norkie]

A horse walks into a bar.....

 

[simon ess]

 

[Cobra]

 

[Marc]

 

[Al1944]

...

 

[ancient_mariner]

...

Doesn't anyone else have 'well done' these days?

 

[Petrochemist]

Doesn't anyone else have 'well done' these days?

Well done meat has always proved to be totally over done when I've seen it (I've never ordered well done). With a good steak I'd rather have it raw than leather like ('blue' would be ideal) with more common inferior cuts 'rare' makes a reasonable compromise.
Being of Belgium/Dutch descent I have on several occasions enjoyed

Filet Americain​

https://www.thedutchtable.com/2011/04/filet-americain.html

 

[Cobra]

('blue' would be ideal)

But would you agree that continental Blu is far superior to the English version?

 

[Petrochemist]

But would you agree that continental Blu is far superior to the English version?

Definitely

 

[ancient_mariner]

Well done meat

I wasn't talking about the meat.

 

[Petrochemist]

I wasn't talking about the meat.

I guess that does increase the appeal of leather somewhat, but I might still go with raw

 

[Cockney]

The "minute steak" never caught on.

 

[AndrewFlannigan]

Doesn't anyone else have 'well done' these days?

I like my steak browner than a brown thing,,,

 

[Pound Coin]

I like my steak browner than a brown thing,,,

View attachment 392693

I always wondered what happened to starlings of a pensionable age.

 

[welshwizard645]

Doesn't anyone else have 'well done' these days?

I like mine cremated... all those lovely burnt bits full of cancerous alpha naphthylamines with a little bit of mustard and horseradish yum yum. Then I know the cow is definitely dead.

 

[Al1944]

I had a well done steak about 20 years ago - it was like eating burnt wood. Never eaten steak since. Must have taken me three months to digest it

 

[Deleted member 68495]

Half-time orange [hookah]. Anything to move away from the steak conversation.

 

[Deleted member 68495]

Possibly why he is in a wheel chair in the first place:

 

[Cordy]

My mate has a date with a lady who identifies as a wheelie bin.... but can't remember if he's taking her out Tuesday or Wednesday

 

[Cobra]

Anything to move away from the steak conversation.

Talking of stakes

 

[Cockney]

My mate has a date with a lady who identifies as a wheelie bin.... but can't remember if he's taking her out Tuesday or Wednesday

I've pinched that.

 

[Dale.]

 

[JohnC6]

These answers, to a classroom test , by school children in the US , are so funny.

Hilarious Test Answers From Kids

Kids these days: can't live with 'em, can't teach 'em anything because the Internet shows them that they can be a smartass instead of submitting real quiz answers. Tests were once about studying, knowing the most, reveling in the honest hard work of memorizing the basics of being a person in...

www.ranker.com

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

Three guys are stranded on a remote island when a native appears out of nowhere and says, "I will grant you one weapon with which to kill yourself so I can make a boat out of your skins." The first guy wishes for a pistol, shoots himself, and dies. The second guy does the same, but the third guy wishes for a fork, stabs himself everywhere, and says, "Ha! Try making a boat out of that!"