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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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D
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I have a T shirt that says 'If I can't bring my dog, I'm not coming'.
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G.K.Jnr.
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Johnny was at school and the teacher said, "Someone use fascinate in a sentence." Sally answered, "The zoo was fascinating." The teacher said, "Sorry, Sally, I said to use fascinate in a sentence." Maria suggested, "I was fascinated at the zoo." Once again the teacher said, "No, Maria, I specifically said to use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny said, "My sister has ten buttons on her sweater." Again the teacher said, "Sorry, Johnny, I said use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny replied, "I know, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."
Mag1cp2x
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A man sitting next to me on the bus showed me a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful”.
“If you think she’s beautiful you should see my wife” I said.
“Is she a real stunner ?” he asked.
I said, “No, she’s an optician !”
“If you think she’s beautiful you should see my wife” I said.
“Is she a real stunner ?” he asked.
I said, “No, she’s an optician !”
Mag1cp2x
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Joanna Lumley’s let herself go …
Jelster
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It's my Birthday too!!
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- The real Chris
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Have a good one
ancient_mariner
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ancient_mariner
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JohnStewart
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DRINK DRIVING WARNING!!!
I know we are responsible people, but this is a warning to be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas.
A couple of nights ago, I was out and having a great night. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many pints and then topped it off with a couple of rum & cokes. Not a good idea! Knowing full well I was over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before...
I left my car in town and took a taxi home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint where they were pulling over drivers and performing random breathaliser tests.
Because I was in a taxi they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise..
...I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from but if your missing one, ive left it down the road from my house...
I know we are responsible people, but this is a warning to be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas.
A couple of nights ago, I was out and having a great night. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many pints and then topped it off with a couple of rum & cokes. Not a good idea! Knowing full well I was over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before...
I left my car in town and took a taxi home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint where they were pulling over drivers and performing random breathaliser tests.
Because I was in a taxi they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise..
...I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from but if your missing one, ive left it down the road from my house...
imattersuk
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