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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
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Bobsyeruncle
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She obviously prefers a sausage to a yum yum....
A young boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play.
“Wonderful, I'm so proud of you,” says the mother. “What part is it?”
The boy says, “I play the part of the husband!”
The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."
“Wonderful, I'm so proud of you,” says the mother. “What part is it?”
The boy says, “I play the part of the husband!”
The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."
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AndrewFlannigan
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Somewhere, I read the following...
Christmas...
That time of the year when you meet all your family
and remember why you avoid them at all other times!
That time of the year when you meet all your family
and remember why you avoid them at all other times!
the black fox
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scottishguy
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Just done mines this morning, went at 6am and not long back.
Amazing what you can get at garages and ASDA
OP
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- The real Chris
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Father Christmas was not in a very good frame of mind - in fact he was very depressed.
That morning after breakfast, Mrs Santa had told him that her Mother was coming over to stay 'for a few days' and he knew that would be for several weeks,
and as Christmas was approaching her visit was the last thing that he wanted.
The Elves had been playing up and had gone on strike for more pay.
The replacement elves Santa had put in were much slower and the number of toys that had been made was way down.
Father Christmas went to visit his Reindeer and found that two of them were pregnant and another two had kicked down the fence and had disappeared into the forest.
He was by now even more depressed.
What I need is a drink he thought, but upon going indoors he found that the elves had hidden his Whisky and there was nothing left to drink in his liquor cabinet.
Deciding upon a coffee he went into the kitchen but managed to drop the Jar of Coffee all over the floor. Now he really was cheesed off!
He went to fetch the broom to sweep up the mess but found that the mice had chewed off all the bristles.
At that moment there was a knock at the front door.
Upon opening it, Father Christmas was confronted by a beautiful Fairy holding a lovely Christmas Tree.
"Good Morning, Santa" she called "Isn't it a really lovely day. I have bought you this beautiful tree, isn't it lovely? Where would you like me to stick it?"
And that is why by tradition we have a Fairy sitting on top of our Christmas Trees.
That morning after breakfast, Mrs Santa had told him that her Mother was coming over to stay 'for a few days' and he knew that would be for several weeks,
and as Christmas was approaching her visit was the last thing that he wanted.
The Elves had been playing up and had gone on strike for more pay.
The replacement elves Santa had put in were much slower and the number of toys that had been made was way down.
Father Christmas went to visit his Reindeer and found that two of them were pregnant and another two had kicked down the fence and had disappeared into the forest.
He was by now even more depressed.
What I need is a drink he thought, but upon going indoors he found that the elves had hidden his Whisky and there was nothing left to drink in his liquor cabinet.
Deciding upon a coffee he went into the kitchen but managed to drop the Jar of Coffee all over the floor. Now he really was cheesed off!
He went to fetch the broom to sweep up the mess but found that the mice had chewed off all the bristles.
At that moment there was a knock at the front door.
Upon opening it, Father Christmas was confronted by a beautiful Fairy holding a lovely Christmas Tree.
"Good Morning, Santa" she called "Isn't it a really lovely day. I have bought you this beautiful tree, isn't it lovely? Where would you like me to stick it?"
And that is why by tradition we have a Fairy sitting on top of our Christmas Trees.
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Always useful to catch cats ...
