The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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I was shoppng with the wife, and saw a case of beer, reduced to £12,
"We can't afford that" she said "Put it back"
Then she picked up a jar of face cream, and I said it was too expensive
"But it makes me look attractive"
"So does the beer, and its half the price"
That's when the fight started
 
sphexx said:
That’s the sort of post that will come back to bite you when you stand for Parliament ;). :exit:
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AndrewFlannigan said:
In much of the home counties it could be just the edge needed to win you the seat! :naughty:
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I'm seriously considering running in the next election,
I'd love to know what I did in my late teens - early 20's
 
I read this on another forum; not a joke but I thought it was funny.

A colleague was driving on the M1 after an all-nighter and stopped for a coffee at one of the services with the cafe on the bridge over the road. He went to leave and his car was gone. Finding a member of staff he told them his car had been stolen, and without batting an eyelid they just said "you heading north or south?". Still confused, he replied "South". The response was a sigh and the reply "other side of the bridge".

Dave
 
Tringa said:
I read this on another forum; not a joke but I thought it was funny.

A colleague was driving on the M1 after an all-nighter and stopped for a coffee at one of the services with the cafe on the bridge over the road. He went to leave and his car was gone. Finding a member of staff he told them his car had been stolen, and without batting an eyelid they just said "you heading north or south?". Still confused, he replied "South". The response was a sigh and the reply "other side of the bridge".

Dave
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Liked, but I guessed of course :).
 
Meanwhile, the London Ecomomic has a story that Ladbroke's are quoting shorter odds for Basil Brush to become the next PM than Matt Hancock

Basil Brush’s latest foray into politics has landed him with better odds than Matt Hancock to become the next Prime Minister.

The glove puppet is priced at 33/1 at Ladbrokes to take over from Boris Johnson after he backed Marcus Rashford’s campaign to feed vulnerable children.

Declaring his dream of forming a government with the Manchester United star the cunning fox told the Daily Star: “All I can picture is Danny running the country and telling the Speaker to go and do one.”
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https://www.thelondoneconomic.com/p...s-to-become-next-pm-than-matt-hancock-207845/
 
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