The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

What's the difference between the UK and a bird?
- On a bird, the left wing and the right wing work together to benefit the whole bird.
 
Mr Badger said:
I really dislike the use of French words in the English language, it's so passé.
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George Dub B. allegedly said "the problem with the French is they have no word for entrepreneur"
Fact check says no, but its widely attributed to him.
 
Sent to me this morning by an American [ living in the UK] friend

<< I'm a bad man.
Listening to the World Service, and I hear they'll be looking into "the growing problem of coups in Africa" and I think: Ah, that will get the attention of Scottish farmers .........
>>
 
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What happens when you combine Fox News, CNN, and a Fleshlight?

You get a plane.

The right wing, the left wing, and the cockpit.
 
Cobra said:
George Dub B. allegedly said "the problem with the French is they have no word for entrepreneur"
Fact check says no, but its widely attributed to him.
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I think the most ironic quote from an American I've heard of was apparently uttered in 1864 during the American Civil War by Union General John Sedgwick, who was reportedly heard to say (twice): "Nonsense, they couldn't hit an elephant at this distance." A few moments later he was shot dead by a Confederate sniper!
 
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sirch said:
I visited my wife in hospital earlier and took her flowers.

My girlfriend's going to love them!
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My girlfriend has just been diagnosed with diabetes and pollen allergy; I've tried all sorts to cheer her up, flowers, chocolates...
 
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It seems that due to the shortage of HGV drivers, the tests are getting easier.

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Mountkeen said:
“Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.” Rene Descartes
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Every man may be convinced he has it, but many of them (possibly I should be inclusive & say us) then regularly show they haven't got any.
 
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