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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
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cymruchris
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For anyone that missed the speech, here are the edited highlights ...
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Thanks for the clearer translation of what was said.
kennethwfd
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Nicola Sturgeon announced today that she's not relaxing the rules banning sunbathing. Come off it, this is Scotland you're talking about... that's probably about as effective as banning shark fishing in Rutland!
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Gerods
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At a recent meeting of world leaders, Boris Johnson was having a talk with Xi Jinping, China's president.
The conversation turned to democracy. You see said Boris you just don't know how democracy works.
We have elections every 5 years. Every 5 years said Xi, he just could not contain himself. And bust out laughing. I had one just before blekfast.
The conversation turned to democracy. You see said Boris you just don't know how democracy works.
We have elections every 5 years. Every 5 years said Xi, he just could not contain himself. And bust out laughing. I had one just before blekfast.
Gerods
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While travelling in Vietnam, I came across a small bar absolutely heaving with locals, shouting and cheering coming from the back room.
I asked the barman what was happening, Oh it's just the weekly snail racing. Snail racing I said never heard of that before, you can win big money said the barman.
I thought I'm having some of that. So I bought myself a racing snail, 5 races 5 times last place. The chap who sold it to me said, take his shell off it will make him move faster.
I did this, but it just made him sluggish.
I asked the barman what was happening, Oh it's just the weekly snail racing. Snail racing I said never heard of that before, you can win big money said the barman.
I thought I'm having some of that. So I bought myself a racing snail, 5 races 5 times last place. The chap who sold it to me said, take his shell off it will make him move faster.
I did this, but it just made him sluggish.
