The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

After all the fuss over the Kleenex "Man size" name. They have now decided to call it ...

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My next door neighbour has just come knocking on my door, screaming, shouting, swearing and accusing me of stealing her underwear.
She scared me so much I almost s*** her pants.
 
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MatBin said:
Shouldn't she be blonde................................................. (That's the door you can hear closing, on my way out).
Click to expand...

A 'long memory' is not hair-colour dependent. :p
 
Pedro came home drunk at _four in the morning_, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman.

"No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the _urinals were made of GOLD_!" Said Pedru.

She said she didn't believe him, so she called the bar.

"Hello," she said,

_"I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question; are your urinals covered in gold?"_

To which she heard the bartender say,

_"Hey, Martin, - I think we found the guy who p***ed in your Saxophone_! "[emoji449][emoji482]
 
*Joke of the day!*

_What is the Difference between Wife and Girlfriend?_

Great Thought in *Modified* Version....

*Wife* is like a *TV* and *Girlfriend* is like a *MOBILE.*

At home you *watch* TV,
but when you go out you *take* your MOBILE.

Sometimes you *enjoy* TV.
But most of the time, you *play* with your MOBILE.

TV is (as good as) *free* for life.
But for the MOBILE, if you don't *pay,* the services will be *terminated.*

TV is *big, bulky* and most of the time *old.*
But the MOBILE is *cute, slim, curvy, replaceable* and *portable.*

Operational costs for TV is often *acceptable.*
But for the MOBILE, it is often *high* and *demanding.*

TV has a *remote.*
But MOBILE *doesn't.*

Most importantly, MOBILE is a *two-way communication* (you talk and listen)
But with the TV, you *MUST only listen* (whether you want to or not)!!!![emoji13]

Last but not least....!
Yet TV s are superior because
TVs don't have *viruses,*
but MOBILEs often *do....!!!!*[emoji23]

And mobiles can be easily *hacked* or *stolen.*

*_Take Care._*
Stick to TV only..
_Issued in Public interest!_
[emoji2][emoji23][emoji1]
 
A good ol'country song.

 
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