The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant.

“No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
 
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An Eskimo is riding into town on his ski bike when it starts to misfire.
So he leaves it with the local mechanic while having lunch
When he returned to the garage, the mechanic said "Hey, mate, looks like you've blown a seal"
"Nah, just a bit of mayonnaise!"
 
But they will be moving them back one hour in about 22 days ;)
you wouldn't think so in this neck of the woods today hissy , queues outside the ice cream parlour everyone and there bloody wife out promenading on the sea front
 
queues outside the ice cream parlour everyone and there bloody wife out promenading on the sea front
You did well! single figures and its been hissing down all day here, its easing now though.
 
you wouldn't think so in this neck of the woods today hissy , queues outside the ice cream parlour everyone and there bloody wife out promenading on the sea front


Bit damp for ice cream down here today but we did have on down at Exmouth last week (in glorious sunshine and shirtsleeves.)
 
Our 6 month old (same colour/markings) does that. He actually posted "srtjuyk" on Facebook yesterday which, given what he replied to, was actually a valid point! :D


Our rather older little ginger monster managed to do it while the 'puter was updating... Need to get a man in to sort the ensuing problems!!!
 
Just needs someone who's competent under the hood. I'm not!
 
The boy stood on the burning deck
And wished he'd ne'er been born
His mother said "You wouldn't have been
If the Durex hadn't torn!"
 
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This woman kept staring at me, I was getting more and more nervous, until the page was turned.

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