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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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- Not an addick!
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OP
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- The real Chris
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It took me awhile to see the "other" too TBH.I am very disappointed - I have a dirty mind but can only see a person reading
OP
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- The real Chris
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A cunning stunt if ever there was one
the black fox
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- Jeff
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I've got a filthy mind but all I see is a person reading ? Got it by twisting it sideways still can't work out if it's a muff diver or Monica lewinsky though
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- Heather
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- Nod (UK)
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As well as asking the surgeon to implant the Greek language and install extra memory, I requested that he cleaned my dirty mind while he was in there. I see a man reading a book about fellatio...
And a nice pair of norks in Ingrid's post!
And a nice pair of norks in Ingrid's post!
the black fox
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- Jeff
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I love it when ingrid posts selfies
Farmerjim
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- Jim
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A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp,
“Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?”
As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he’s on her level, and asks,
“Do you want a widdle white wabby, or a thoft and fuwwy back wabby, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?”
The girl, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice,
“I don’t fink my pet python weally gives a thit.”
“Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?”
As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he’s on her level, and asks,
“Do you want a widdle white wabby, or a thoft and fuwwy back wabby, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?”
The girl, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice,
“I don’t fink my pet python weally gives a thit.”
Ian W
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This is so accurate. It's 5th November and I'm still up before 6am with my son. Stupid time change.
ianp5a
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Those boobs again.
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- Ingrid
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- Ingrid
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Of course I won’t laugh,’ said the nurse. ‘I’m a professional. In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.’ ‘Okay then,’ said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest ‘man thingy’ the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn’t have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing. Ten minutes later, she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.
‘I am so sorry,’ she said. ‘I don’t know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won’t happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?’
‘It’s swollen
‘I am so sorry,’ she said. ‘I don’t know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won’t happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?’
‘It’s swollen
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- Hugh
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I bought a self help DVD titled "How to Deal with Disappointment".
When I got home, the box was empty.
reheat module
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My Missus asked for something that was bright, shiny and went from 0-140 in under 6 seconds...
To my mind, the set of Bathroom Scales fitted the brief perfectly................
To my mind, the set of Bathroom Scales fitted the brief perfectly................
Doc
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Here's a childish one:-
Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl's house. One day he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!"
The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football. The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah".
The little... boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!"
Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his private parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"
The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl "Well, what do you have to say NOW?"
So she pulls up her dress, points to her private part and says "My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"
Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl's house. One day he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!"
The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football. The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah".
The little... boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!"
Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his private parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"
The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl "Well, what do you have to say NOW?"
So she pulls up her dress, points to her private part and says "My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"
At work I was once asked "Do you have a thing to connect a thing to some stuff?" When I asked for more information I was told "Well you're supposed to be the expert!"
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- Nod (UK)
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A friend of mine has gained the nickname "Sumpbolt" after asking for an oil drain plug using the term "Sumpbolt thingy doobrie effort". Being an engineer rather than a wordsmith, he also wrote "Sorry, I have riped upon the enverpole", meaning that he had "Ripped open the envelope" to add an enclosure. I'm led to understand that his professional communications are less error strewn these days (around 30 years later!)
