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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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munch
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Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony, the boss says:
"You're all part of our team now.
You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat.
So don't trouble the other employees".
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you.
One of our cleaners has disappeared, however.
Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner.
After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others:
"Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"
One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says:
"You FOOL! - For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no one has noticed anything, and now YOU have to go and eat the cleaner!"
During the welcoming ceremony, the boss says:
"You're all part of our team now.
You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat.
So don't trouble the other employees".
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you.
One of our cleaners has disappeared, however.
Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner.
After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others:
"Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"
One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says:
"You FOOL! - For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no one has noticed anything, and now YOU have to go and eat the cleaner!"
saltireblue
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- Malc
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Isn't it strange that so many F1 Drivers are named after Scottish Towns?
Stirling Moss
Lewis Hamilton
Eddie Irvine
Ayr Town Centre
Stirling Moss
Lewis Hamilton
Eddie Irvine
Ayr Town Centre
munch
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Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what; metal, wood, plastic - anything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge.
The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and will not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too went away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was asked, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!
The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?
(Scroll down for the answer. )
x
x
x
They were M&M's!!! - (get your mind out of the gutter!! )
Everyone knows they melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
No matter what; metal, wood, plastic - anything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge.
The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and will not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too went away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was asked, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!
The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?
(Scroll down for the answer. )
x
x
x
They were M&M's!!! - (get your mind out of the gutter!! )
Everyone knows they melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
munch
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One afternoon the priest came to call on the Organist in his Church. She then showed him into her quaint sitting room and invited him to join her for tea and cake.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the Paster noticed a Crystal bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things.................
A CONDOM!!!
When she returned with tea and cake, they began to talk. “ Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the Paster noticed a Crystal bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things.................
A CONDOM!!!
When she returned with tea and cake, they began to talk. “ Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."
4wd
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If only I hadn't bought a Sony 
babylonbee.com
Canon Now Including 'Professional Photographer' Certificate With All Cameras Costing At Least $599
MELVILLE, NY—Canon is now including a certificate indicating you are a professional photographer with all of their cameras that cost at least $599, sources confirmed Thursday.
babylonbee.com
Mag1cp2x
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A recent study has proven that having a very prolific sex life causes substantial memory loss.
I remember reading something similar in The Times way back on Tuesday 22nd of June, 1987 whilst sitting on a blue and white striped deckchair in Hyde Park at 11.25 in the morning.
I remember reading something similar in The Times way back on Tuesday 22nd of June, 1987 whilst sitting on a blue and white striped deckchair in Hyde Park at 11.25 in the morning.
G.K.Jnr.
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While on a date a women goes to the bathroom
Man: Uh... wrong way that's the men's room
Woman: Oh my GOD! this is so embarrassing!
Man: It's not a big deal.
Woman: I guess not, but you know what they say, old habits die hard.
Man: ...............
Man: Uh... wrong way that's the men's room
Woman: Oh my GOD! this is so embarrassing!
Man: It's not a big deal.
Woman: I guess not, but you know what they say, old habits die hard.
Man: ...............
welshwizard645
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