The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

I should have read the description, this is not a loose woman from the Ukraine, disappointed.
 
Mountkeen said:
Don't join the Tesco dating agency , I just did and ended up with a bag for life.
Click to expand...
:D
And Screw fix would like to re-iterate that they are not a dating agency
 
i dont fancy the look of these

31007399635_fcc701fb73_b.jpg
fishcakes[/url] by bigdave88, on Flickr[/IMG] fishcakes by bigdave88, on Flickr
 
I've been trying to download a video on curing incontinence, trouble is, its constantly streaming.
 
There was a cruise ship going through some rough waters that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island…….

There were only three survivors:
Two Guys and a girl………

...
They lived there happily for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women to do………….

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing………..

She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself……..

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while, nature once more took it’s inevitable course………..

Well, a couple of more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing………

So……….

They buried her.
 
I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.


Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there's a row of decanters
with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.


Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession,
but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
He replies:


"Get out, you're on my side."
 
Bert, 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Margaret, 75, looked him over. “Nope.”

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”

Furious, Bert yelled, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?”

“Nope, not a clue,” she replied.

“IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!”

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, “Should’a bought a hat, Bert. Should’a bought a hat.
 
Not that monstrosity?
 
Hey! Easy come easy go.
 
Easy come easy go.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top