toilet seats

Why are we even having this conversation guys :suspect:

We pee standing up because we can. The joy of making patterns in the water, that beautiful splashing sound and avoidance of any risk of scraping anything on the way up or down.

Ladies, it's one of men's few remaining pleasures, let us tinkle in peace. And put the bloody seat up next time. :)
 
feeb said:
Just woken up - desperate for the loo with someone in the bathroom

the worst wee emergencies i have had have been on the M25 - 40miles with no services - SUCKS!
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Have no facilities where i work as i mobile, so cant always get to any either, so we get issued these.

http://www.betterlifehealthcare.com/view_product.php?prodID=1877

Just how women would use them though i am not sure :thinking:

I have a good aim, maybe not always striaght but goes where its meant to, unless the ambient temp is -20degC :eek:
 
dod said:
Why are we even having this conversation guys :suspect:

We pee standing up because we can. The joy of making patterns in the water, that beautiful splashing sound and avoidance of any risk of scraping anything on the way up or down.

Ladies, it's one of men's few remaining pleasures, let us tinkle in peace. And put the bloody seat up next time. :)
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Ah yes the joys of "dog-end" chasing down the communal urinal :D
and another good reason why smoking SHOULDN'T have been banned in "public places"

no more dog ends in the p'sspot :D

russdaz said:
I have a good aim, maybe not always striaght but goes where its meant to, unless the ambient temp is -20degC :eek:
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And there is another thing
we can be "severely handicapped" by the (in the) cold weather you girlie's are
exempt from that little problem :D

We guys really got dealt the rough end of the stick I can see that now!
and its all that bloody Adams Fault!
Back at the dawn of time when God was handing out "favours"
He said to Adam and Eve, OK who wants to pee standing up?
Adams hand was up in a flash, before God could say another word
OK said God "its yours" but if you had let me finish, I was about to say and who wants the "multiple orgasm thingy"


Yep we got the rough end of the stick alright :( :D


but I digress back to taking (talking) the p'ss :cool:
 
Cobra said:
Ah yes the joys of "dog-end" chasing down the communal urinal :D
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That's more like it, c'mon men, STAND UP for your right to pee :rules:
 
russdaz said:
Have no facilities where i work as i mobile, so cant always get to any either, so we get issued these.

http://www.betterlifehealthcare.com/view_product.php?prodID=1877

Just how women would use them though i am not sure :thinking:

I have a good aim, maybe not always striaght but goes where its meant to, unless the ambient temp is -20degC :eek:
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It says its Unisex so there must be a way! they sound PERFECT for festivals - when you just cant make it to the portaloo!

If their is no facilities then how do you do a number two? do you just hold it in and fart alot?
 
feeb said:
It says its Unisex so there must be a way! they sound PERFECT for festivals - when you just cant make it to the portaloo!

If their is no facilities then how do you do a number two? do you just hold it in and fart alot?
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Erm you really want to know lol

erm theres these
http://www.betterlifehealthcare.com/view_product.php?prodID=1887

But we get a few largish sealable tubs of waste after a job, they come in handy to well..... Just keep air freshener in the back the of van. Which is panneled out.:thumbs:
 
russdaz said:
Have no facilities where i work as i mobile, so cant always get to any either, so we get issued these.

http://www.betterlifehealthcare.com/view_product.php?prodID=1877

Just how women would use them though i am not sure :thinking:

I have a good aim, maybe not always striaght but goes where its meant to, unless the ambient temp is -20degC :eek:
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russdaz said:
Erm you really want to know lol

erm theres these
http://www.betterlifehealthcare.com/view_product.php?prodID=1887

But we get a few largish sealable tubs of waste after a job, they come in handy to well..... Just keep air freshener in the back the of van. Which is panneled out.:thumbs:
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Excuse me for asking, but I've got to; what is it you do for living?
 
:thumbs:
Wail said:
Excuse me for asking, but I've got to; what is it you do for living?
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Basicily i fix faults on the electrical network, so could end up anywhere in the middle of a field, or a street, side of a main road etc etc. Its not always possible to leave the job until going home time so not always facilties available to use, knocking on peoples doors to ask if you can use there loo isnt best to do. :thumbs:
 
So you are doing a public service for people but cant knock on the door to use the loo

i think thats a horrendous state of affairs frankly :(

If your every in salisbury and you need a dump mate - give me a shout ;)
 
feeb said:
So you are doing a public service for people but cant knock on the door to use the loo

i think thats a horrendous state of affairs frankly :(

If your every in salisbury and you need a dump mate - give me a shout ;)
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Basicly yes, but not every-one looks at like that these days, infact we often get treated like the enemy lol, oh and the amount of places we see you'd be amazed at the amount you really wouldnt want to use, where you wipe your feet on the way out kinda thing lol.

Thanks for the offer though :thumbs:
 
Hmmm - a bitter thread for me. I 'was persuaded' that it would be nice to get self closing toilet seats/lids for two of our loos. They are good quality wooden affairs that matched the decor a treat. I took them both off yesterday after just one week of use and deposited them at our local tip.

Once the average male reaches a certain age and unless he has had some stress relieving beers, he is generally able to hit the target and does not need to concentrate on the job in hand - you need to be aware that when the lid starts to close it does cause concern and often a swerve. Not good. Especially not good when you have guests and the lid closure comes as a bit of a surprise.

They put warnings on cigarettes but they don't make you **** up a wall.

Chris
 
and I bet they were invented by women for women
they should try standing to pee before coming out with redickulous :D ideas
:p
 
feeb said:
NOOOO!!!!

You cant wee in the sink unless its a TOTAL emergency! Naughty boy!
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It's your own fault for leaving the dishes in there.
 
Viper said:
another point on the hygiene side

how many of you have your toothbrush next to the loo?

and how many of you dont shut the lid when you flush. all that water swirling around making a bit of spray, each time, a bit of wee goes on your tooth brush ;) yummy!
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Ahh they tested that on Mythbusters. They found just as much bacteria on the control brush that was kept OUTSIDE the toilet.
 
Tut tut . . . I don't know what all you men are moaning about.
You're lucky enough to be able to pee standing up, so is it really too much to ask for you to put the seat back down and at least try to aim straight?

And you really are lucky.
Seriously.

Parked on the M4 for 2 hours after there'd been an accident further on, desperate for a pee and trying to hold on. The guy in the car in front, as if to torture me, just jumped out crossed the hard shoulder and disappeared into the bushes to relieve himself. So not fair.
And then you come across public loos like the ones below. (shot taken in the conveniences in a public cemetery as part of my 52)
Honestly, would you want bare flesh anywhere near that seat?
It's OK for you men. You can just stand there and do your thing. I had to hold on until I got home.

IMG_0074sized.jpg


IMG_0077size-1.jpg
 
tarmac_chaser said:
Can you ladies only go if your bum makes contact with a seat? Course not. Just bend over and get on with it!
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:lol: :lol: :lol:
An oldie and very Americanised, but this may give you a little insight into the problems us girlies face in public loos :

A trip to the womens restroom;

When you have to visit a public restroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mother, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't-so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Hover Stance".

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Hover Stance".

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday-the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backwards against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lost your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper-not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with anti-bacterial gel from your purse, and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public restrooms. It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!
 
3 am... wakes up with distinctive feeling in bladder........:shake:
Oh Gawd,I'll have to go......:shrug:

Gets to bathroom can't lift seat as the #rick who fit it didn't do it right,and it will not stay up ,so stands with arm on wall for balance and feeling very groggy starts to pee.........................OH GAWD :eek:
Wee going every bloody where as hairs over willy directing flow any bloody where but toilet.:(

Every tried to stop once started :runaway:
Reaches for toilet paper and on hands and knees wipes floor before you are found out....:naughty:

SITS DOWN TO FINISH OFF :whistling:
 
Aim is NEVER a problem if you P in the shower. Trouble is, people tend to complain when you do it without actually having a shower....

:coat:
 
hepburn said:
Aim is NEVER a problem if you P in the shower. Trouble is, people tend to complain when you do it without actually having a shower....

:coat:
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Thats how to win friends and influence people heppers :thumbs:

( just remind me never to invite you round for salmon and cucumber sandwiches :p)
 
Hopefully, you take the crusts off too...
 
TriggerHappy said:
This may be of interest to the fella's out there.
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LOL

40 out of 60
Well done. We can continue to accept you into our society, since at least you have the means to determine where to go to the bathroom. Well, not counting last Christmas in the parkade of that shopping mall. Yeah, that's right, we know.
 
60 out of 60

We crown you U-man, Master of the Urinal and defender of the secrets of Castle Greystall. You should be proud of your urination knowledge, and rest easy in the fact that if nothing else, you can go to the bathroom with the best of them. Congratulations!
 
50 out of 60

Well, although not perfect, it's nice to see that you're able to follow the simple rules of urinating in a proper and orderly manner. We're willing to bet that your friends aren't as good at peeing as you are. Now, isn't that something special? You can take pride in the fact that you know how to use the facilities properly. That's more than most of our staff can say....
 
I got 50 out of 60 and i am a girl :) Yay for Urinal etquitte, if i wake up with a penis i will not be victim to urinal faux paus
 
OK I know it was guys only, but I'm bored and couldn't resist trying it. I'm reassured to know that I really am female :lol:

"Good lord! You can't possibly be male! We have monkeys that are better trained at peeing than you are. If, on the obscure off-chance that you ARE male, you need some practice going to the bathroom. Sad, really."
 
4/6. However, I contend that to answer at least one correctly, one needs to know where the door is - should one be the first to arrive, one should always take the urinal furthest from the door. A stall with a door is always preferable to a urinal if anyone else is in the bogs at the same time.
 
feeb said:
I got 50 out of 60 and i am a girl :) Yay for Urinal etquitte, if i wake up with a penis i will not be victim to urinal faux paus
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Oi!
Stick to your own bloody side :rules: :D

SarahLee said:
OK I know it was guys only, but I'm bored and couldn't resist trying it. I'm reassured to know that I really am female :lol:

"Good lord! You can't possibly be male! We have monkeys that are better trained at peeing than you are. If, on the obscure off-chance that you ARE male, you need some practice going to the bathroom. Sad, really."
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Ah good a female that knows her place :D
 
It seems that silly test proved what many here seem to believe, I don't know how to choose my urinal! I didn't even get 40!

May be it's time I rethink my peeing technique :shrug:
 
Well I got 30/60, they suggest I'm a girl but definately not, just checked :D I've no idea on ettiquet really as I tend to use the loo-but DONT make a mess!
 
Well, at least I am not the worst peeing TP member :p
 
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