The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

As long as she didn’t get a chesterfield.
 
Graham Linehan arrested, don't know what to say other than, "I hear you're a transphobe now, Father."

Also heard a Downing Street source said his arrest was an operational matter for the police. Surely they meant to say 'an ecumenical matter'

Dave
 
There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
 
D-Mitch said:
My mate's wife has been missing for a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, he had to go down to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
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The police knocked at my neighbour’s house last night.

“Sorry to say sir, but it looks like your wife has been run over by a bus”

He replied “yeah I know, but she’s good with the kids”.
 
If a man can paint one cross on a roundabout in five minutes how many can he complete before he feels the need to swear at a hotel?

Dave
 
Tringa said:
If JFK were alive today I wonder if he'd be saying - Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what hell is my idiot nephew Robert doing?


Dave
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Telling us the polio vaccine has killed more people than polio...
 
Norkie said:
I went to the wedding of two aerials at the weekend.
The wedding was a little boring but the reception was fabulous!
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For us oldies........ ;)

"Boom! Boom!"
 
  • Haha
Reactions: Sky
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Saw the first commercialmas decorations yesterday...



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IMO, decorations should stay in the loft until 23:59 on 24/12 then be returned at midnight - if they're brought down at all!
 
Not yet seen any Easter eggs .. But ?? . ?
 
They're still in the warehouses.
 
sirch said:
And the supermarkets already have eggs, flour and lemon juice even though pancake day isn't until next February!
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The basta*ds
 
huffy said:
The Range were selling such items last month before the children had returned to school after the summer break o_O
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I actually find this useful - I know there no point to walking down those isles, so it speeds my browsing :)
 
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