The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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Please excuse the slightly clumsy "pp" - the original read "dimmer" for some reason...
 
Too long and only one...
 
An army Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel posed a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"
A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favour of work.
A Captain said it was 50%-50%.
A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favour of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
Since there was no consensus, the colonel turned to the private in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion.
Without any hesitation, the private responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.
The colonel was surprised and asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
 
I usually had a camera manual!
 
Harry 'The Hatchet' Bennett, the underworld's greatest receiver of stolen goods, was killed today.

He fell off the back of a lorry.


I’m really pleased I have managed to get Scott .Virgil ,John ,Alan ,
Tracey plus Lady Penelope and Parker to come to my BBQ next Saturday; mind you I had to pull a few strings!
 
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