The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

IMG-20250722-WA0002.jpg
 
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor...
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings.”
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Debbie’s pregnant – about 4 months, would be my guess..”
The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Debbie ?”
Debbie says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man, I’m still a virgin!”
The doctor walked over to the window and just stood there staring out into orbit. About five minutes pass and finally, the mother says, “Is there something wrong out there doctor?”
The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. And there’s no way I’m going to miss it this time . !!
 
1000015053.jpg
 
IMG-20250519-WA0005.jpg
 


Better than the Mars Celebrations tub that someone filled and that was left on the nurse's desk while she went to find out what to do with it. The other nurse who (perhaps understandably) thought it was a tub of chocolate got one hell of a surprise when she opened the tub... (As told to me by a geriatrician pal!)
 
I'm with Riker! :facepalm:
 
30e8a357bdee7214d988a0ed9a98428c43472c41_2_991x750.jpeg
 
She's hired!
 
An explorer was walking through the brush in Africa when he heard a strange noise behind one of the bushes. Going round the bush he found an elephant sat, uncomfortably, holding one foot up and whimpering, clearly in pain. So he calmly walked up to the elephant, stroked its trunk to let it know he meant it no harm and then looked at the underside of its raised foot where he found a very large thorn. So he reached into his backpack and took out a pair of forceps, some iodine and a bandage from his medical kit. Whereupon he removed the thorn, disinfected the wound and lightly bandaged the elephant’s foot such that it would eventually fall off after giving the wound time to heal.

The elephant was soon able to stand and slowly wandered off into the brush.

A few years later, back in England the explorer was visiting Manchester when he noticed a sticker on a lamppost advertising a visiting circus and that there would be a parade down Deansgate that very afternoon so, having nothing else to do, decided he would go along and watch.

There was quite a crowd lining the road and he joined them to watch the jugglers, clowns, acrobats and fire eaters as they passed, the parade ending with the ringmaster leading a very large African elephant. As they passed the huge crowd the elephant suddenly stopped and looked straight at the explorer, ignoring everyone else in the crowd. It raised it’s trunk, let out a huge trumpet sound and ran straight over to him, wrapping it’s trunk around his waist and raising him high into the air before smashing him to the ground.
.
.
.
It was a different elephant.
 
Whereupon he removed the thorn, disinfected the wound and lightly bandaged the elephant’s foot such that it would eventually fall off after giving the wound time to heal

I wonder how many will wonder, like me, why would he want the elephants' foot to fall off?
 
Back
Top