The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"
 
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That's the same shape as the shampoo I use! (Lush solid - on the beard! Not enough hair higher up to bother with...)

I still have a comb though - I just don't seem to be able to part with it.
 
Nod said:
That's the same shape as the shampoo I use! (Lush solid - on the beard! Not enough hair higher up to bother with...)

I still have a comb though - I just don't seem to be able to part with it.
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My brother still carries a comb, and he is as bald as a billiard ball!
 
I use mine on my beard.
 
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An elderly man living alone in Leeds wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in Wakefield Prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:


Dear Paul,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love, Dad


A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,


Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.

Love,
Paul.


At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

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Nod said:
It's difficult getting the box inside the product it used to contain but worth it to get the giftee to use it.
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My cousin bought a nice new bed for her cat and, of course, the cat decided to sleep in the box. But she noticed when they came downstairs in the morning, they'd hear a commotion and the cat would be in his box but there would be cat hairs all over its new, unwanted bed.
 
REALLY confuse the burry fastard by leaving the bed in the box with the open end facing out...
 
Nod said:
REALLY confuse the burry fastard by leaving the bed in the box with the open end facing out...
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As the slave to many cats over many years I guarantee that such an approach will be frustrated in some deeply subtle but devastating manner that could be summed up by one word: "really?"

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Mission accomplished!

I'd bet that there are a few members here who have never heard of them though.
 
Nod said:
I'd bet that there are a few members here who have never heard of them though.
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Only those who have never lived in Wimbledon... ;)
 
It's still funny, even though that's at least the 3rd time it's been posted.
 
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