The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

mj4456 said:
Oh no, Archie preferred his home comforts, hated getting wet feet, mud was never an option.
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My nephew's Golden Retrievers are mud magnets - especially after they've been to the groomers. Once they are all spruced up and smelling nice, it's a mad dash to the nearest muddy ditch for a roll around.
 
Into a Bantry pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.
'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.
'Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight,' says Paddy.
'That little O'Conner?' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.'
'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'
'Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?'
‘That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.'
 
I'm not saying that our area is rough, every where is boarded up.

The window- cleaner goes round with Sandpaper !
 
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GetBusyLiving said:
I liked:
I went down to the sea one day,
To the sun, the sea and a sky
I left my shoes and socks there
I wonder if they're dry?

And also:
There are holes in the sky where the rain comes in
But the holes are small, that's why rain is thin.
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AND!

Not last night but the night before,
Three black cats came knocking at my door,
One had a trumpet,
One had a drum,
And one had a pancake stuck to it's bum!
 
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