The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
 
Pappu: My computer is not working properly..o
Officer:Ok, Double click on “My computer”
Pappu:I can’t see ur computer..
Officer:No no.. click on “My computer” on ur computer..
Pappu:How can I click on ur computer from my computer?..
Officer:listen.. There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on ur computer.. Ok. double click on it..
Pappu:what the hell, what is your computer doing on my computer..???
Officer:Double click on ur computer..
Pappu:On which Icon i’ve to click..
Officer:“My Computer”..
Pappu:…Oh u Idiot…… Tell me where is ur office…I’ll come there and click on ur “Computer.
 
I was offered sex today by a beautiful young lady. In exchange, all I had to do was advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on any forum I am a member of.
Of course, I declined because I have high moral standards and strong willpower.
Just as strong as Ajax, the incredibly strong bathroom cleanser. Now available in lemon scent and vanilla.
 
NEWS FLASH !
UK would comply with Netanyahu arrest warrant, No 10 says.

Netanyahu is rumoured to be considering giving himself up, to get bed and board and 3 meals a day for free.


Starmer & Reeves have killed their first pensioner of the Winter.
 
An old, blind Marine accidentally stumbles into an all-girl biker bar, completely unaware of his surroundings. After feeling his way to the bar, he takes a seat and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
As he settles in, he suddenly yells out, "Hey, anyone here wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The room goes dead silent.
From beside him, a deep, authoritative voice calmly responds, "Before you go any further, I think you should know a few things."
The voice continues:
1. "The bartender is a blonde woman with a baseball bat."
2. "The bouncer is also a blonde woman."
3. "I'm a blonde, 6-foot-tall, 175-pound black belt in karate."
4. "The woman sitting next to me is a blonde professional weightlifter."
5. "And the lady on your other side is a blonde professional wrestler."
The room stays silent as the Marine pauses to process what he just heard.
After a moment, he chuckles softly and says, "You know what? Forget it. I don't feel like explaining the joke five times."
 
After a long and exhausting day, a young woman finally settled into her seat on the train, hoping for a peaceful ride home. She closed her eyes, ready to drift into some much-needed rest.
But her hopes were quickly dashed by the man sitting next to her, who whipped out his phone and began speaking loudly enough for the entire train car to hear.
“Hi, sweetheart, it’s John! I’m on the train,” he announced.
“Yes, I know it’s 6:30, not 4:30, but I had a long meeting.”
“No, honey, I wasn’t with Cathy from Accounts—I was with the boss, I swear.”
“You’re the only one in my life. Yes, I’m sure, dear.”
For a solid fifteen minutes, the conversation dragged on, his voice dominating the space and testing the patience of everyone around him.
Finally, the young woman had enough. She leaned in close to him, then spoke loudly into his phone:
“John, darling, hang up and come back to bed already.”
The train car erupted into laughter, and John’s face turned bright red. He hung up instantly.
And from that day on, John never made another loud phone call in public
 
Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.
Boss: Well there is now !
Employee: How?
Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left.
 
89de2fd8df47944f2aec44972d2f18340399a8d2.jpeg
 
f642584ea7d28cda08fa694e996c3f14f7804def_2_564x750.jpeg
 
YOU can tell her hubby!!!
 
Back
Top