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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
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ancient_mariner
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ancient_mariner
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An elderly man approached an attractive young woman in a supermarket.
'Excuse me," he said, 'I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'
The woman felt sorry for the old man and said, 'Of course. Do you know where your wife might be?'
'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a young woman like you, she seems to suddenly appear out of nowhere.'
'Excuse me," he said, 'I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'
The woman felt sorry for the old man and said, 'Of course. Do you know where your wife might be?'
'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a young woman like you, she seems to suddenly appear out of nowhere.'
G.K.Jnr.
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A film crew was filming in the highlands in Scotland when an old Gaelic seer came hobbling by and said, "Tomorrow rain," and hobbled on. Sure enough it rained the very next day. Again he hobbled past and said, "Tomorrow sunshine." It was indeed a fine sunny day the next day. The director was mighty impressed and got the crew to hire him and every day the wise old sage predicted accurately what the weather would be. But after a couple of weeks the old man didn't show up and eventually the director found him in a bothy and said, "Hey, we need your predictions, why aren't you showing up?" "Radio broken," the old man replied.
G.K.Jnr.
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A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. "Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?" "Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."
G.K.Jnr.
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Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'' Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'' Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They’re gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.''
