The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

It is 2:00 am. There are a half dozen empty vodka bottles lying on the dimly-lit street. Two men standing in the middle of street have been arguing that the other man is more drunk. Finally, one man said to the other, “If you are not drunk, then climb up this column," pointing to the vertical beam of light that the flashlight in this right hand makes. Thinking a bit, the other man stuttered, “I am not that stupid. If I climb up to the top and you turn off the light, I will surely fall to my death!”
 
An old lady was knitting & speeding down the highway. A cop pulled up alongside her vehicle & yelled, "Pull over!" She yelled back, "No, they're mittens!"
 
A Fiat 500 pulled alongside a Rolls-Royce at a traffic light. "Do you have a car phone?" asked the driver of the Fiat. "Of course I do," replied the haughty deluxe-car driver. "Well, do you have a fax machine?" The driver of the Rolls sighed, "I have that too." "Then do you have a double bed in the trunk?" the Fiat driver wanted to know. Embarrassed, the Rolls driver sped off. That afternoon, he ordered a mechanic to install a double bed in the trunk. A week later the Rolls driver passed the same Fiat 500 parked on the side of the road with the back windows fogged up and steam pouring out. The arrogant driver pulls over, gets out of the Rolls, and bangs on the Fiat's back window until the driver sticks his head out. "I wanted to tell you I have a double bed installed," says the proud Rolls driver. The Fiat driver is unimpressed, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!"
 
6d75fa1d8a075ee82a9ea4c88ab03593cf46bce1_2_694x750.jpeg
 
Just off to delete that one before I repeat it!!!
 
ce87d7a99e252dd0679a03d9fe9db88f41e37c06.jpeg
 
abae3384072d0a35d69487d4f380194c4a0fefba_2_364x750.jpeg
 
Slightly Yorkshire Specific Joke...

Daley Thompson, Tessa Sanderson and Steve Cram are all round at Seb Coe's house for tea.
Steve brought the fish, Tessa brought the chips, Daley brought the peas and Seb provided the salt and vinegar. Suddenly there is a knock at the door so Seb gets up to answer. "Who is it?", asks everyone in unison.

"It's Fatima wi t'bread."
 
That's 'ow a Yorkshireman makes honey - Wi t'bee
 
Scientists have recently claimed that no amount of apes given whatever quantity of typewriters could ever come up with Shakespeare's works. Forgetting that one did about 400 years ago...
 
Somewhere, I have a collection of Round Tuits...
 
f2fef37b9d0a96e0ee24e2702e69b2d59733515d_2_600x750.jpeg
 
Tortoises are land living turtles.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top