The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Norkie]

 

[Al1944]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Cockney]

 

[Cockney]

 

[Cockney]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Al1944]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[simon ess]

At the Man. Utd. vs Liverpool match, stewards had to force Man. Utd. fans to stay to the end.

 

[Zak54]

 

[D-Mitch]

I went to a postman's birthday party yesterday.
We played pass the "Sorry You Were Out" card.

 

[Cordy]

Me: How do you keep your car so shiny?

My friend: Polish.

Me: Oh, sorry. Jak dbasz o to, aby Twój samochód był tak lśniący?

 

[Tringa]

Patient : I'd like an appointment with the doctor.

Receptionist : Would 10 tomorrow morning suit you?

Patient: No, I only want one.


Dave

 

[Zak54]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Zak54]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[JohnStewart]

 

[simon ess]

I went to an Italian restaurant last night.

My order was taking ages to arrive.

I said to a waiter, " excuse me, how long will my spaghetti be?"

He said, "I don't know, we never measure it."

 

[TheBigYin]

Britains Paralympic hopes for 2028 get a huge boost as thousands lose arm and a leg getting Oasis tickets.

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Cordy]

So I said to the girl at the Tesco checkout:
"Can you do this any cheaper love, it's got today's date on it?"

She said: "Look Mister, do you want the newspaper or not?"

 

[JohnStewart]

I went to a really trendy nightclub the other night.

The doorman said to me "Sorry mate, I can’t let you in, you've had too many!"

I said "What, drinks?"

He said "No, birthdays".

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Brendan Mulachy]

 

[welshwizard645]

View attachment 433005

Even more so when it's a CUL-DE-SAC = dead end!

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

What do you call a marathon if all the runners are transvestites? A drag race.

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

Innkeeper: "The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed."
Guest: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.