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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
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ancient_mariner
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Questions Reporters Ask Mrs. Claus That They Would Never Ask Mr. Claus
By Meena Harris
“Who’s watching the world’s children while you’re in the workshop?”
“Any advice for ladies looking to lose that milk-and-cookies weight?”
“How does it feel to be the world’s most innovative toy-maker’s muse?”
“Why red? Why a suit? And would you say that it’s brave to be seen in public wearing something so comfortable?”
“What’s it like to be a woman in stem (Santa’s Toy-Enterprise Mission)?”
“You’re such a maternal figure to children across the globe—when are you going to have one of your own?”
“I’m thinking about all the little girls who look up to you. Are you setting the right example by shackling yourself to the patriarchal heteronormative institution of marriage?”
“How’s the love life with the big man? Are you on the ‘naughty list’ this year?”
“Is it true that you keep the ‘nice list’ on a private e-mail server?”
“Isn’t the greeting ‘ho ho ho’ a bit misogynistic?”
“You have a pretty chilly workplace. Are you sure that you don’t want to borrow my jacket?”
“Is the stress of the holiday season getting to you, or are you just on your period?”
“What would you say to those who accuse you of spending too much time being holly-jolly, and too little time focussing on the issues that face hardworking North Polers?”
“Rudolph has been in office for nearly a century. Have you thought about using your platform to convince Santa that a female reindeer should guide his sleigh this foggy Christmas Eve?”
“Have you considered adding some makeup to your Christmas wish list? Nothing wrong with your natural look, of course—I think it’s festive.”
“Is it hard to stand out in the male-dominated industry of holiday mascots? How do you compete with Santa, the Easter Bunny, Cupid, Jack Frost, Hanukkah Harry, Baby New Year, the Krampus, and Punxsutawney Phil?”
“Is it tough to maintain yuletide cheer in the shadow of Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization?”
“As a public figure, how do you manage to stay so consistently out of shape?”
“Mrs. Claus, do you have any comment about the deplorable working conditions faced by the elves at Santa’s workshop? Doesn’t the refusal to recognize their union directly undercut your feminist ideology?”
By Meena Harris
“Who’s watching the world’s children while you’re in the workshop?”
“Any advice for ladies looking to lose that milk-and-cookies weight?”
“How does it feel to be the world’s most innovative toy-maker’s muse?”
“Why red? Why a suit? And would you say that it’s brave to be seen in public wearing something so comfortable?”
“What’s it like to be a woman in stem (Santa’s Toy-Enterprise Mission)?”
“You’re such a maternal figure to children across the globe—when are you going to have one of your own?”
“I’m thinking about all the little girls who look up to you. Are you setting the right example by shackling yourself to the patriarchal heteronormative institution of marriage?”
“How’s the love life with the big man? Are you on the ‘naughty list’ this year?”
“Is it true that you keep the ‘nice list’ on a private e-mail server?”
“Isn’t the greeting ‘ho ho ho’ a bit misogynistic?”
“You have a pretty chilly workplace. Are you sure that you don’t want to borrow my jacket?”
“Is the stress of the holiday season getting to you, or are you just on your period?”
“What would you say to those who accuse you of spending too much time being holly-jolly, and too little time focussing on the issues that face hardworking North Polers?”
“Rudolph has been in office for nearly a century. Have you thought about using your platform to convince Santa that a female reindeer should guide his sleigh this foggy Christmas Eve?”
“Have you considered adding some makeup to your Christmas wish list? Nothing wrong with your natural look, of course—I think it’s festive.”
“Is it hard to stand out in the male-dominated industry of holiday mascots? How do you compete with Santa, the Easter Bunny, Cupid, Jack Frost, Hanukkah Harry, Baby New Year, the Krampus, and Punxsutawney Phil?”
“Is it tough to maintain yuletide cheer in the shadow of Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization?”
“As a public figure, how do you manage to stay so consistently out of shape?”
“Mrs. Claus, do you have any comment about the deplorable working conditions faced by the elves at Santa’s workshop? Doesn’t the refusal to recognize their union directly undercut your feminist ideology?”
ancient_mariner
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ancient_mariner
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Deleted member 68495
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Fifty five miles is just about 90 kilometres, and we know how the metric system confuses the Americans.
ancient_mariner
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ancient_mariner
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ancient_mariner
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ancient_mariner
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ancient_mariner
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Cordy
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A man had lost an arm in an accident. He became very depressed at this because he loved to play golf.
One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
As he stood on the ledge looking down, he saw a man skipping along the sidewalk, whooping and kicking up his heels. Taking another look, he also noticed that the man below had no arms at all.
While still on the ledge, he started thinking, 'What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk, so happy, and going on with his life.'
Giving up the thought of suicide, he hurried down to the sidewalk. And when he caught up with the man with no arms, he thanked him for saving his life. Because he lost one of his arms, he felt useless and was going to kill himself. He now knew he could make it with one arm if someone could go on with no arms, and be happy too.
At this, the man with no arms began dancing, whooping, and kicking up his heels again.
Curious, the man with one arm asked, "So, tell me, why are you so happy anyway?"
He said, "I am NOT happy .......... My balls itch!"
One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
As he stood on the ledge looking down, he saw a man skipping along the sidewalk, whooping and kicking up his heels. Taking another look, he also noticed that the man below had no arms at all.
While still on the ledge, he started thinking, 'What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk, so happy, and going on with his life.'
Giving up the thought of suicide, he hurried down to the sidewalk. And when he caught up with the man with no arms, he thanked him for saving his life. Because he lost one of his arms, he felt useless and was going to kill himself. He now knew he could make it with one arm if someone could go on with no arms, and be happy too.
At this, the man with no arms began dancing, whooping, and kicking up his heels again.
Curious, the man with one arm asked, "So, tell me, why are you so happy anyway?"
He said, "I am NOT happy .......... My balls itch!"
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Happy to report, my new shoes with memory foam insoles do work . . . no longer do I go upstairs and forget why.
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Brendan Mulachy
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