The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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An elderly man approached an attractive young woman in a supermarket.
'Excuse me," he said, 'I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'
The woman felt sorry for the old man and said, 'Of course. Do you know where your wife might be?'
'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a young woman like you, she seems to suddenly appear out of nowhere.'
 
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D-Mitch said:
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The camera illustrated here 'mammut' was made about 70 years after the first photograph was taken, many cameras were available by this time.
I suspect the sliding wooden box camera used by Joseph Nicéphore Niépce in 1826 will be in a museum somewhere & thus will have been photographed hundreds of times. However I've only seen woodcuts, of generic sliding cameras while searching for it so perhaps it's lost to us.
No one knows when the first camera obscura was made, it's principle was documented in china ~400BC. There are no photographs of it & probably not of at least the first thousand others made.

Sorry to be so pedantic.
 
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My first recognizable word was "b****r"! Of course, it could have been "Ba ga" but since the former was one of my Grandfather's favourite words, I reckon that's as likely as the latter!
 
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Double tap...
 
I was 10 before I found out my name wasn’t you fxxxxxg little bxxsted
 
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Nod said:
My first recognizable word was "b****r"! Of course, it could have been "Ba ga" but since the former was one of my Grandfather's favourite words, I reckon that's as likely as the latter!
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It wasn't his first word but our son's first attempt at 'fork' was ''f**k'

Dave
 
I am surprised so many would swear when there are children around, I used the F*** word when I was about 13 at a friends birthday party. His strict father took me to one side and asked if I had heard this word at my home, of course the answer was no. So he wanted to know where I had heard it and it came as no surprise that I had picked this up at school. He then asked if I had ever used this word at my home and I assured him that I had not and nor would I. Quite reasonably he told me that it was also unacceptable to use the word in his home and, if I did so again, I would not be welcome. As this was the home of my best friend, I was very careful from then on.

Dave
 
My friend's wife was driving their daughter to the nursery one morning when a car overtook them.
A little voice in the back said "####ing idiot!"
Her mum though she must be hearing things and carried on.
Another car passed and again the little voice said "####ing idiot!"
She stopped and said, "What did you just say."
"####ing idiot!" was the innocent reply.
"That's a very bad thing to say."
"But Daddy says it all the time when he's driving."
Someone was in big trouble when he got home from work that night.
 
Anyone seen the new film "The Tractor"? I've only seen the trailer.
 
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Only those of a certain age will get this.


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