scottishguy
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and help to keep the site free for all
The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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D
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If only this wasn't likely
ancient_mariner
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Not at all sure I get this.
D
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I think it has to do with the cosmetic surgery that is commonly done in Turkey as it's cheaper than the UK -- and has rather more health problems that the NHS has to sort out when they get back.
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Oh good, not just me then.
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ancient_mariner
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ancient_mariner
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Cordy
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A Russian agent arrives at a small Welsh station and asks for Mr Jones.
“Well,” says the stationmaster, “there’s Jones the Milk, Jones the Meat, Jones the Flowers, Jones the Undertaker. In fact, my name’s Jones.”
The agent whispers to him, “The eagle doesn’t walk over the mountain.”
“Ah,” says the stationmaster, “you want Jones the Spy.”
“Well,” says the stationmaster, “there’s Jones the Milk, Jones the Meat, Jones the Flowers, Jones the Undertaker. In fact, my name’s Jones.”
The agent whispers to him, “The eagle doesn’t walk over the mountain.”
“Ah,” says the stationmaster, “you want Jones the Spy.”
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W****Y?
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I think she means ”overdid the pee of gnat” ;’
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A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends. "Oh, no!" she suddenly exclaimed. "Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He'll be so p***ed if it's not ready on time." When she got home, she discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg - and a can of cat food.
With no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf. She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner.
To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it "Darling, this is the best dinner you've made me in 40 years of marriage! You can make this for me any day?" Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish.
She told her golf partners about it, and they were all horrified
"You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed. Two months later, her husband died.
The women were sitting around the clubhouse and one of them said, "You killed him "We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in!
"How can you just sit there so calmly knowing you murdered your husband?" The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him.
He fell off the windowsill while he was licking his ass."
With no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf. She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner.
To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it "Darling, this is the best dinner you've made me in 40 years of marriage! You can make this for me any day?" Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish.
She told her golf partners about it, and they were all horrified
"You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed. Two months later, her husband died.
The women were sitting around the clubhouse and one of them said, "You killed him "We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in!
"How can you just sit there so calmly knowing you murdered your husband?" The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him.
He fell off the windowsill while he was licking his ass."
