The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

[ancient_mariner]

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[D-Mitch]

I went up to an assistant in my local music shop and asked "What to you have by The Doors?"
He said "A cash register and some posters."

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Cobra]

 

[Cobra]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Steep]

Currently studying a book on how to swim the English Channel by Francis Near.

 

[Steep]

 

[Deleted member 68495]

Currently studying a book on how to swim the English Channel by Francis Near.

I'm reading a book called Cat in the Bed by Claude Balls

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[ancient_mariner]

Currently studying a book on how to swim the English Channel by Francis Near.

His cousin Eileen Dover wrote a book too, called Tragedy on the Clifftop.

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Mag1cp2x]

There was an article on breast enlargement in yesterday’s Sunday supplement written by Norma Stitz.

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Cobra]

"Have you tidied up?" I asked my wife earlier.

"Of course I've tidied up." She snapped. "Who else does? Certainly not you, eh?
No, definitely not you. Because YOU do sod all around here.
You don't do any of the cleaning, don't go near the cooker or look after the kids at all.
Jesus, I can't even get you to walk the frigging dog, so yes, yes I've tidied up."

"Well in that case, have you seen a sheet of paper I'd left out?" I asked.
"It's got some plans on it that I'd drawn up."

"Oh, riiiiight." She said, sarcastically. "Mr D. I. Y and his clever-arse ideas.
No I haven't seen your stupid frigging plans."

"Bloody hell." I groaned. "I was going to lay a patio in the garden."
"A patio?" She laughed. "Over my dead body."

......."Oh, so you HAVE seen my plans?........

 

[Cobra]

 

[Cobra]

 

[kennethwfd]

There was the Scottish cloakroom attendant Angus McCoatup

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[kennethwfd]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Cordy]

Did you know that If you took every vein and artery out of a human body and put them all in a line,

you’d end up in Broadmoor

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Al1944]

New 20 mph speed restrictions on certain roads in Wales.

NB: Speed limits only apply to motor vehicles, so when the 20mph limit comes in later this month, please be courteous to cyclists and move over to let them pass.

 

[Cobra]

 

[Cobra]

 

[welshwizard645]

View attachment 400482

I switch off the stop-start function in our BlueMotion Golf now,,,,,

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Steep]

Sometimes there are just no words..

 

[Skyline]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[sirch]

 

[Cobra]

 

[Cobra]

 

[Cobra]