The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Cobra said:
That was actually a repeated joke post, I woke to the grass being totally covered this morning.
Rain shifted it in the afternoon though.
Click to expand...
This was our garden this morning. Sheffield/Rotherham.

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A very good magician has hypnotised an entire audience. He has them under his complete control and they are willing do whatever he tells them to do. Unfortunately, at the vital moment, he trips over the microphone cord, lands on his ass and says, "S**t!"
 
The version I know. he says "F*** me!"...
 
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To. Head of Sports, BBC
re. Application for the post of Match of the Day presenter
Dear Sir or Madam,
I would like to apply for the position of Match of the Day presenter/anchorman.
While I have absolutely no interest in poofb football whatsoever I can, even without the need of an autocue, talk absolute nonsense for hours on end and am able to scream GOAL ! repeatedly in a very high pitch whenever a ball happens to enter a net.
I'm asking £10k per annum plus petrol money if you would kindly throw in the occasional ticket to the Corporate Box at any international Rugby game or Cricket match.
Thank you for your kind attention from.....
 
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