The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.
She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint
sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl
sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things,
a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater,
but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"
pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package
on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that
it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!".
 
A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the Congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us." Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."
The entire congregation said, "Amen."
 
Did mine yesterday:)
 
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