The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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Nod said:
Spotted today - a tee-shirt with the slogan "Vegetarians, my food s**ts on your food!"
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As Ron Swanson in Parks and Recreation said when presented with a salad, “You’ve accidentally given me the food that my food eats.”
 
Probably a repost but worth the repeat!

To add a little extra to the tired old Whoopee Cushion gag, fill it with gravy.
 
Nod said:
One of my golf buddies has just done a speed awareness course. He used to be a high ranking traffic cop!
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I did one last year, the guy running the course picked on an attendee and asked him a question
The attendee gave a perfect answer
The guy running the course asked "how did you know that?"
The attendee said "I learned it on my last speeding course" :LOL:
 
sirch said:
I did one last year, the guy running the course picked on an attendee and asked him a question
The attendee gave a perfect answer
The guy running the course asked "how did you know that?"
The attendee said "I learned it on my last speeding course" :LOL:
Click to expand...

When I did one a few years ago I was amazed at how badly some people knew speed limits. Asked what the NSL is on a single carriageway, most said 70, some said 50. None of them knew about "repeaters" and the lack of them meant you were in either a 30 or a 60.

I did point out that I was totally aware of the speed I was going (81 in a 70) but needed better training on spotting police cars & cameras :LOL:
 
I really hope this is true.

Tommy Cooper, on meeting the Queen after a Royal Variety Show, asked...

"Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

"No, but I might not be able to give you a full answer."

"Do you like football?"

"Well, not really."

"Can I have your Cup Final tickets?"
 
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Need to be able to add 2 "like" emojis - that deserves a :ROFLMAO: as well!
 
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She won't have finished by yesterday...
 
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