The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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kendo1 said:
My tongue flicked in and out, in and out, faster and faster until she was completely helpless. No woman can resist a good lizard impression.
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Shhhhhh! You've told everyone how Chris does it!
 
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They are your parent...1629265a72216b6b7b1e4802e1e77b51189d3e31.jpeg
 
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An Man was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day .....And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.'When the man returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs! 'That's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?' The man nodded ...'I'll tell you though, be all the saints, I thought I were going to drop dead on that third day.''You mean from the hunger?' asked the doctor.'No, from the bloody skipping!'
 
...and others of nothing!
 
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A woman armed with a clipboard and pen approached me in the supermarket today and asked which grooming products I used. Judging by the look on her face I don’t think she was expecting me to say Facebook and vodka.
 
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20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs.

Now I have no cash, no hope and no jobs.

Please God, don't let Ed die
 
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