The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

[Steep]

Reports are coming in that Boy George has been attacked by a reptile on the set of I'm a Celebrity.

They should have got a calmer Chameleon, but apparently, they come and go.

 

[Steep]

Reports are coming in that Boy George has been attacked by a reptile on the set of I'm a Celebrity.

Police are interviewing one Mathew Hancock.

 

[Cobra]

 

[Cobra]

 

[Nod]

For sale - 1 pink snake; well hanged and stuffed!!! (With apologies where necessary!!! )

 

[Jelster]

View attachment 372893

Years ago we had a next door neighbour knock on the door and ask if they could come in until his wife got home, as he had left his keys indoors. About 30 minutes later, his wife knocked on the door and and asked if Mario (her husband) was here, we invited her in and she said she had managed to leave her keys at work. When she realised that her husband was also keyless, she went into a fit of rage, calling him f***ing useless etc. When I pointed out she had also mislayed her keys she told me to mind my own f***ing business. I told her to leave, but it was quite funny seeing her blow up for basically doing the same thing her other half had done

I managed to lever open a window so that he could climb in and open the door. We could hear them shouting at each other all night....

 

[Steep]

 

[Mountkeen]

I saw an Elbow tribute band last night called Arse,


To be honest I couldn’t tell the difference.

 

[Baloo]

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet

 

[Deleted member 68495]

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet

He was also the first to own a motorbike because 'his Triumph was heard throughout the land'.

 

[Cockney]

 

[Cockney]

 

[Cockney]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[ancient_mariner]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Nod]

He was also the first to own a motorbike because 'his Triumph was heard throughout the land'.

Slash cut straight pipes on a 750 Bonnie...

 

[Mountkeen]

 

[Nod]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Nod]

 

[badlywornroy]

How many people with attention deficit disorder does it take to change a light bulb ? . .

Would you like to see my bicycle ?

 

[Cobra]

 

[Nod]

 

[kennethwfd]

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet

Noah was the best biblical businessman.
He floated a limited company while the rest of the world was in liquidation

 

[Deleted member 68495]

Noah was the best biblical businessman.
He floated a limited company while the rest of the world was in liquidation

Jesus: water into wine -- no overheads, free raw materials, huge market; what's not to like.

 

[simon ess]

Profit for the prophet.

 

[Nod]

 

[Steep]

 

[Tringa]

Jesus: water into wine -- no overheads, free raw materials, huge market; what's not to like.

The initial idea was good, but he gave it away - a missed business opportunity.

Dave

 

[Deleted member 68495]

The initial idea was good, but he gave it away - a missed business opportunity.

Dave

Free food too...although fish with bread wouldn't be my first choice.

 

[ancient_mariner]

Free food too...although fish with bread wouldn't be my first choice.

Tuna sandwich seems pretty good to me, provided there's no sweetcorn or mayo.

 

[simon ess]

Sardines on toast.

 

[Nod]

Pretty sure there wouldn't be any sweetcorn. As for mayo, ever heard of the second co...........

 

[Nod]

 

[Nod]

 

[Nod]