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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
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ancient_mariner
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ancient_mariner
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ancient_mariner
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ancient_mariner
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kennethwfd
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Thanks, everyone for your concern over my incident.
First of all, I'm okay, I was a bit shaken up though.
For those of you that aren’t aware, I was robbed at the petrol station earlier this morning.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to phone the Police.
They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!
My money is gone, however.
The police asked me if I could describe who did it and I told them,
“Yes, it was pump number 2.”
First of all, I'm okay, I was a bit shaken up though.
For those of you that aren’t aware, I was robbed at the petrol station earlier this morning.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to phone the Police.
They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!
My money is gone, however.
The police asked me if I could describe who did it and I told them,
“Yes, it was pump number 2.”
ancient_mariner
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A married man went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The man said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.'
The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The man replied, 'Yes, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The man said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.'
The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The man replied, 'Yes, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!
G.K.Jnr.
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A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
