The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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That's what happens when Pegasus shags a unicorn.
 
Dave goes to the dentist and says to the dentist "How much to have a tooth extracted?"
And the dentist replies "Well, an extraction can be quite painful, so you need a good anaesthetic, and I need to use special dental tools, so usually it's £100 for an extraction"
"I'm not paying that much!" says Dave, "How much for only half the amount of anaesthetic?"
"Well" replies the dentist, "I wouldn't recommend it as half the anaesthetic wouldn't really have much effect, it'd be terribly painful, but if you insisted then it'd be £60."
"I'm not paying that much!" says Dave, "How much for NO anaesthetic?"
"Well" replies the dentist, "I wouldn't recommend it, as NO anaesthetic would be intolerably painful! Excruciating even! But if you insisted then it'd be £20."
"I'm not paying that much!" says Dave, "How much for NO anaesthetic, and just using a pair of old pliers to pull the tooth?"
"Well" replies the dentist, "That'd be almost impossible. Excruciatingly painful, and no guarantee that an old pair of pliers would get it out first time, and I might accidentally end up breaking the tooth out bit by bit - it'd be a horrible, gory, long and painful experience! But if you insisted then I'd do it for just a fiver!"
"Fine!" said Dave, "A fiver.....you're on.....book the wife in for Monday morning!"
 
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Hedgehogs hibernate in piles of wood at this time of the year, so check to see if you have one in your bonfire tonight.

As a guide 10 minutes is medium rare and 15-20 is well done.
 
Steep said:
Hedgehogs hibernate in piles of wood at this time of the year, so check to see if you have one in your bonfire tonight.

As a guide 10 minutes is medium rare and 15-20 is well done.
Click to expand...
That should be in the hot topics joke section.
My hedgehog friends think you're a prick for telling that joke.... :LOL:
 
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A man who is just married is flying to the Florida Keys for a business trip. His new bride is to accompany him the next day. When he gets there, he e-mails his wife to let her know he made it there safely. When he sends the e-mail, he mistypes the address. In Boston, a grieving widow, whose husband has recently passed away, receives the e-mail. She reads it, screams, and faints. Hearing her grandmother’s cry, the widow's 18 year old granddaughter runs into the living room to see the computer on, with a message that reads, "Dear love, I just got here. Preparing for your arrival tomorrow. Can't wait to see you. Love, Me. P.S. Sure is hot down here."
 
Picked up from a Bonsai forum.
It never occurred to me just how dangerous the hobby could be until now!
:D


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