The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Where's the "unfriend" hot-key?
 
Ask the Doctor.

Medical experts were asked if it is time to ease the lockdown.

* Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve.

* Obstetricians felt certain everyone was labouring under a misconception,while Ophthalmologists considered the idea short sighted.

* Many Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while Paediatricians said,“Oh, grow up!”

* Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while Radiologists could see right through it.

* Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and pharmacists claimed it would be a bitter pill to swallow.

* Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter.”

* Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but Urologists were p***ed off at the whole idea.

* Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

* In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes.
 
This young fellow is about to be married, and is asking his grandfather about sex. He asks how often you should have it. His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, and maybe you'll do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off, and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, like maybe on your anniversary." The young fellow then asks his grandfather, "Well how about you and grandma now?" His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now." "What's oral sex?" The young fellow asks. "Well, she goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, 'Screw you,' and I holler back, 'Screw you too!'"
 
Gremlin said:
This young fellow is about to be married, and is asking his grandfather about sex. He asks how often you should have it. His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, and maybe you'll do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off, and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, like maybe on your anniversary." The young fellow then asks his grandfather, "Well how about you and grandma now?" His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now." "What's oral sex?" The young fellow asks. "Well, she goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, 'Screw you,' and I holler back, 'Screw you too!'"
Click to expand...


Try weekly, tri-weekly, try weekly, try weakly...
 
On a similar note, an uncle of mine and his wife had trouble conceiving and were considering some sort of medical intervention. Before the doctor would start them on IVF or similar, he suggested 3 times a day, after meals. They have 2 sons (and 4 grandchildren) now.
 
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