The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

I took my son shopping in town yesterday. When we got back home, to my horror I noticed he had a pocket full of sweets. I had absolutely no idea how he got them, I certainly didn't buy them for him, and he had no money to buy anything.

So I marched him straight back to town and we had a little mooch around the jewellers......
 
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes and spread her legs. The dentist said, ''I think you have the wrong room.
''You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
 
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Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.
Boss: Well there is now !
Employee: How?
Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left.
 
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Tori_T said:
Scare the tape guy to death; put some googley eyes on it.
Click to expand...

Putting a square of bog roll on a dog turd can freak people out...
 
While taking the interview, the employer asked the candidate:
Employer: So, how long did you work during your'e last job?
Candidate: 30 years
Employer: oh, you look young how old are you
Candidate: 20 years old
The employer was surprised and asked the candidate how she worked 30 years and has only been living for 20 years??
Candidate: Overtime!
 
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