The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai Hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?” God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.” Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction, and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it. She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation, and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?” God replied, “Shirley! I’m sorry but I didn’t recognize you!”
 
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Here's one for the "Oldies"
Who remembers doing these calculations?
:D

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Petrochemist said:
My calculations never gave such interesting results :(
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You obviously never had such an infantile mind as me :D

Did you never "do" the "shell oil" one?
 
Cobra said:
You obviously never had such an infantile mind as me :D

Did you never "do" the "shell oil" one?
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It's my industry so yes, even after spelling things on calculators became old hat...
IIRC it was something like root 2,956,859,977.818289 for the loss of our A1GP contract.
 
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A bit after calculators, but I once changed the dword hex serial number on someone's data storage floppy disk to DEAD-D15C as a joke, then found they'd looked at the directory listing, assumed the s/n was actually a status message, thrown it away, and started frantically typing everything back to a new disk from printouts.
I didn't dare confess. :angelic:
 
Q: What do you call a vegan with diarrhea?
A: A salad shooter.
 
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