The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Anal sex was alot like my first car, I didn't really want it but my uncle gave it to me anyway.
 
Some dirty thieving toe rag broke into our garden last night and stole a pair of the wife’s knickers off the washing line



She doesn’t want them back




But we could do with the 20 pegs
 
A man goes into a pub with 3 ducks, 2 under his arms and holding the third
At the bar he has a couple of drinks and needs the restroom, so he leaves the 3 ducks on the bar counter.

The bar decides to have a chat with these ducks so he asks the first one "What is you name?"
The Duck replies "my name is hughie"
Barman " So what will you be doing tomorrow hughie?"
Duck says " Most of the day I will going in and out of puddles , because I really like doing that.

He asks the second one "What is you name?"
The Duck Replies "my name is Dewie"

Barman " and what will you be doing tomorrow Dewie?"
Dewie says " Most of the day I will going in and out of puddles , because I, just like hughie I really like doing that"

Barman askes the third duck " What is you name?"

Duck replies "My name is Puddles, and I am not looking forward to tomorrow"
 
Pretty sure cat has named us "Cupboard Monkeys 1&2".
 
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