The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married.
He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 girls and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”
She immediately replies, “The one on the right.”
“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”
The mother replies,



“I don’t like her.”
 
A husband and wife were driving home and run over a badger, they get out and find it's still breathing. The husband says " put it between your legs to warm it up", the wife replies " but it's all wet and smelly" the husband tells her " well hold the damned badgers nose then".
 
Cartus said:
Shouldn’t that be 'Capitalism'? ;)
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Sigh.....even in the jokes thread they follow.... :eek:

Nothing dangles a free carrot quite like socialism! But it's a joke, have a day off and just enjoy the humour! :D
 
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Cobra said:
However, they go FORWARD NEXT Sunday :D
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Yeah, ermmm ooops lol :banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:
 
Server Hamster said:
@Graham , just wind all your clocks back eleven hours.
Sorted. (y)
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Might be better to go 23 rather than 11...

On a similar note, last time we visited the MiL, she asked me to set her kitchen clock since it never told the correct time. Well, it did - twice a day! New battery and it's always right now.
 
Nod said:
Might be better to go 23 rather than 11...

On a similar note, last time we visited the MiL, she asked me to set her kitchen clock since it never told the correct time. Well, it did - twice a day! New battery and it's always right now.
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That reminds me of the 1960's university question of which clock a computer would choose.
The choice was between -
a) A 1920's Swiss cuckoo clock that was irrepairably stopped because its mechanism was worn out and rusted, with most of the damage caused by overwinding.
and
b) An atomic clock that was so precise that over the course of a million years it would lose only half a second.
Of course, the computer chose the Swiss cuckoo clock because the atomic clock would only be right once every &%$£ million years* while the Swiss clock would be right twice every day.
*Answers on a postcard
 
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