The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

How come if its Human in the Channel
it’s ours but if it’s fish it belongs to the EU [emoji848]
 
What the UK government thinks its Brexit stance looks like... and what the rest of the world thinks.

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A business man in Las Vegas was down on his luck, and lost all of his money. All that he had was his plane ticket home. So he got into a cab and tried to explain his situation to the driver, he even offered the driver his 500$ watch for a ride to the airport, but the driver just said, "it's 15$ to get to the airport, if you don't have it, get the hell out of my cab!!" So the man took a bus and almost missed his flight. A year later he was back in Las Vegas, and won some money. Standing in the cab line to go to the airport, he noticed the cab driver from last year in the back of the cab line, and decided to have some fun. So he got in the first cab and asked the driver how much to go to the airport. 15$ said the driver. Then he asked, "and how much for a blowjob when we get there?" The driver yelled "get out of my cab you pervert!!" So he got into the next cab and asked that driver the same question, and got the same response. When he got to that driver from last year and got into his cab he asked him how much to go to the airport. 15$ said the driver, and the man said that will be fine. When the driver pulled out of the line and passed the other cabs on his way to the airport. The man looked at each driver, smiled and put his thumbs up.
 
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Snakes too I hear :p:ROFLMAO:
 
Mountkeen said:
So apparently Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Rimmel Vibrant Shades lipstick as she claims it breaks too easily and makes her breath smell

In a statement she said: “The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis”
Click to expand...
:pint:
 
A Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi were sitting around drinking coffee.
Someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided that each would find a bear and attempt to convert it to their religion.
A few weeks later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Cyrll who had his arm in a sling and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
Well, he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear came after me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, O Holy Theotokos and immediately he became as gentle as a lamb.'
Reverend Billy Jones, the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair and had an IV drip. 'I went out and found me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from the Bible! But that bear came after me. We wrestled down one hill, until we came to a creek. So I quickly dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb'.
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed in the ICU. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him.
The Rabbi looked up and painfully mumbled “Looking back on it - circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”
 
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WARMING!!!
If youse gets a link called 'free porn' dont opin it?!!#* It is a birus wich deactivate you spellcheck and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it. Warn al1 you vriends!!
 
Anyone lost £300 rolled up in an elastic band?..

...I’ve found the elastic band
 
A slightly different slant on an old joke

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