The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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ancient_mariner said:
I still have no idea what 'gammon people' are, really. :p
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Definition of ham for English Language Learners. : a bad actor who performs in an exaggerated way. : someone who enjoys performing and who tends to behave in an exaggerated or playful way when people are watching
 
ancient_mariner said:
I still have no idea what 'gammon people' are, really. :p
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There are loads of famous ones
Francis Bacon
Englebert Hampledink
Hamuel Jackson
Christopher Piggins


But the modern accepted version is
″Older men that are confused and angry at the modern world.
high blood pressure and a red meat complexion.”
TBH that sounds like a lot of old farmers that I know / have known.
Round faced ruddy complexion ....
 
Cobra said:
There are loads of famous ones
Francis Bacon
Englebert Hampledink
Hamuel Jackson
Christopher Piggins


But the modern accepted version is
″Older men that are confused and angry at the modern world.
high blood pressure and a red meat complexion.”
TBH that sounds like a lot of old farmers that I know / have known.
Round faced ruddy complexion ....
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up here we only have
jones the sheep
jones the lamb
jones the cow
jones the vegetable

unfortunately no one speaks to jones the wellies :wave::wave::wave::wave:
 
Cobra said:
But the modern accepted version is
″Older men that are confused and angry at the modern world.
high blood pressure and a red meat complexion.”
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That sounds like the *kind of thing* that would have once been said by a middle-aged woman to put down a middle-aged man who had bought a sports car.
 
It's Mrs Nod who has the V8 GT car! If I'm very good, she lets me drive it. (Is 48 middle aged these days?)
 
A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, and she points out the colours she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige, very soft and warm." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"

The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"! The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide.

They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"!

This is too much. The woman says "Every time I tell you a colour, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green side up.' What on earth does that mean?"

The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four TP Mods blondes laying turfs across the street."
 
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Nod said:
It's Mrs Nod who has the V8 GT car! If I'm very good, she lets me drive it. (Is 48 middle aged these days?)
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48 year old women are ‘Lush Trophy Women’ to us over 60’s..... or we are no linger regarded as ‘cradle snatches’ jus lucky! [emoji41][emoji106][emoji56]
 
Why aren't spammers sending out GDPR emails?
 
Steep said:
Why aren't spammers sending out GDPR emails?
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They are.
Been getting "Click to agree to stay with us!" emails with footers stating I'm getting the mail 'cos I registered at their website, but the To: address is one only used for website registrations, so they scraped it from a DNS server and now they're trying to use GDPR to confirm it's a real address.
 
Not if he's filing the details securely and not sharing them with other parties. :P :D
 
He's making a list
He's checking it twice
He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice
Santa Claus is in contravention of
Article 4 General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/279 ...

... because the fat judgemental b*****d is not filing the details securely and he's sharing them with other parties :police:
 
As a saint, he's probably counted as a religious institution and there are probably different rules for them.
 
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Mag1cp2x said:
He's making a list
He's checking it twice
He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice
Santa Claus is in contravention of
Article 4 General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/279
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Doesn't that only apply if he can't claim Legitimate Interest? In which case, how does Santa deal with data concerning children who's parents aren't lawfully married?
 
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Three friends married women from different parts of the world...
The First man married a Filipino. He told her she was to do the dishes and do the
house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the 3rd day he came home to see a
clean house and the dishes were washed and put away.
The Second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the
cleaning, dishes and cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next
day he saw it was better. By the 3rd day he saw his house was clean, the dishes
were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The Third man married a girl from Liverpool. He ordered her to keep the house
clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, do the laundry and a hot meal on the table for
every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't
see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he
could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could
fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.....he still has some difficulty
passing water!
 
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